by Laura Knight-Jadczyk
For almost five years these pages have
consisted almost exclusively of the original, verbatim transcripts
from the "superluminal communication" sessions with "us in the
future," also known as the Sixth Density Light Beings In Service to
Others, the Cassiopaeans.
Having seen so many examples of "Voices of Higher Beings" falling
into corruption through ego or anticipations and expectations of
others, I endeavored with fervent determination to keep myself, my
ego, my story and anything of a personal nature OUT of the content.
However, a recent correspondent with my husband, Dr. Arkadiusz
Jadczyk, wrote the following regarding these pages:
"...I visited your wife's site and
found your physics page there. It's a pity it can't be linked to
from your other site... it's one of your best pages."
(The director of the University
where Ark is the Head of the Department of Nonlinear Dynamics
and Complex Systems ordered him to remove any mention of the
Cassiopaeans from his Uni web site as well as any links).
The correspondent continued:
"Now, if someone wants to do
physics, you would no doubt advise them to get a good grounding
in maths. Not weird maths, traditional maths.
"So, why would someone like yourself, who is not afraid of
expanding the scope of physics into quasi-religious areas,
dabble with WEIRD religion?
"Conventional religion is just like conventional maths. It's
where we should automatically go. Conventional religion is
simply a matter of openness to God, if he exists, and asking him
to download some software, if he exists....
"I can understand your reluctance to consider simple religion,
living as you do in a Catholic country with a lot of distasteful
religious practices all around. But what would you tell a physics
student who avoided Fourier transforms because they were
(name of correspondent withheld)
(The writer is unaware that we live in
the United States.)
I was not shocked by this rather mild criticism of the Cassiopaean
communication - I have certainly heard much worse. But what it DID
DO was push me to reconsider my decision to tell nothing of myself,
to let the material stand or fall on its own merit. For some, that
is enough - they can read and know - but for others, all the
questions and criticisms must be answered.
And that is what I will
Yes, if someone wants to study physics, they must begin in a
standard way. But, as noted by the above correspondent, one must
then NOT BE AFRAID TO EXPAND THE SCOPE of their investigations. The
same principle is true of religion, and is clearly explicated in the
Parable of the Talents.
The parable of the talents is prefaced by
"Now, knowledge of the kingdom is like unto a certain man who went
on a journey..." and he called his three servants together and gave
them each a certain number of talents. The talents represent
knowledge. Two of the servants invested their talents. They were
willing to take risks and give up what they had to get more. The
third was afraid of losing the little he had and he buried his
talent. So, the two increased their knowledge by repeatedly giving
up and getting back more.
The master came back and the two showed
how they had made a killing on the market and the master was
pleased. But the servant who had buried his talent said: "Master, I
knew you were a hard man and you reaped where you did not sow and I
was afraid..." The master cast him into outer darkness. And,
remember, we are talking about knowledge. He took his little bit of
knowledge and he closed himself off and hung onto that little bit
for dear life...
I have lived this parable. Very often, the decision to "give up"
what I held dearly as "truth" was VERY painful. But, gradually, as I
became experienced in being truly open-minded, it was easier and
easier to trust the universe to lead me where I needed to go; both
for myself, and for other people.
I was brought up in a very Christian environment. I come from a long
line of Protestant Ministers of the Church, from Quakers to Baptists
to Methodists. One of my ancestors came to America with William
Penn. One was fined his horse for refusing to fight in the army.
Most of them, in fact, came to America before the Revolution, to
escape religious persecution. As a result, I have spent years in
At an early age I resolved to "find God." It was a burning passion
for me. My internal operating system simply demanded that I really
needed to "know" Him. I was avid in my Sunday School studies and
devoted in my prayer life.
As I grew and studied, I became aware of many contradictions and
discrepancies in the "Standard Religion," and many anomalous events
of my life were inexplicable in these terms. I constantly prayed for
guidance and support, and it became increasingly clear that I was
being guided to learn to study in a deeper way.
At the same time I was VERY aware of the pain and suffering all over
the planet, and it seemed that I was cursed with the burden of
acutely "tuning in" to and feeling this cosmic pain. I suffered with
every starving child, every grieving parent, every pain racked
victim of man's inhumanity to man. I prayed constantly for the pains
of the world to be ameliorated. But everywhere I looked, there was
Where was God in all this? I was beginning to wonder. I wasn't
getting much in the way of results with the "standard" religion in
terms of the "Hotline to Heaven, and it was clear that I needed a
dialogue with God. He was, after all, my Father, wasn't he? Didn't I
have a right to his love and attention like all others who claimed
to be so full of joy because of their faith in God? What had I done
wrong that I was denied this claimed "connection" to the One who was
proclaimed to be perfect in His Love and Knowledge and all the rest?
What did I have to do to be worthy?
If I could only find out, I would do it!
I really needed to know! Do I need to pray more? Sacrifice something
that I liked? I didn't have much in my life that WAS pleasant, but I
would willingly give up what little I had just to feel the touch of
God's breath on my cheek. Was that asking too much? How about just a
little, teensy, tiny sign to assure me that YOU exist? Something to
hold on to? A straw, for God's sake! I'm drowning here! This is NOT
a pleasant place! Sure! We are taught that all this suffering will
bring us a "Crown of Glory," if we just have faith... but what is
this thing called "Faith?" do I have it? Can I have more?
So, since God wasn't answering my prayers to ease the burdens of the
world, and I could see he wasn't answering the prayers of others who
were making similar prayers, and we were all contributing to
missionary efforts, I determined to find what the story was here. If
God wasn't answering, there must be a reason. And, if there was a
reason, only God could tell me. So, since God seemed to be hiding, I
determined to find out how to get to Him!
This became my overweening goal and objective. But, how does one go
about "finding" God? Well, if one wants to learn physics, one
studies math. If one wants to learn about God, one studies religion.
This seemed the natural place to start. Standard religion; start
with what you know.
I was raised Methodist, but with some evangelical leanings, and the
most sacred dogma of my childhood was that the Bible was the WORD OF
God! And that was that.
Well, okay, I LOVE God, and this makes me want to be close to Him,
and in order to get close, I need to know what pleases Him so He
will WANT me close and will talk to me... so, the logical step is to
READ THE BIBLE!
Well, I had already read the Bible mostly, but not in a systematic
and studious way as I was now proposing to myself. If the Bible was
the Word of God, I wanted to ingest, to breathe, to LIVE with every
single word. I was HUNGRY for God!
I read the King James Version, since that was standard. I read it
through, from start to finish; more than once. I couldn't help but
notice that there SEEMED to be some considerable contradictions and
puzzles. But, in a standard way, I sought answers to these puzzles
from the theological community. I decided that the Bible was not
contradictory, it was just me that did not understand it properly.
Clearly, I needed to gain an understanding that was deeper that
would resolve these conflicts. The obvious place to look for such
answers seemed to be to read books that explained the Bible, that
could explain the history of the times, the customs, the people, the
archaeology and so forth. So, I began to read such books.
Naturally, I only read books by Christian authors. I reasoned that
only Christians could write about Christianity as only Christians
could "understand" the Bible. After all, this was pretty much a
doctrine of faith.
As I read, I discovered, to my dismay, a vast realm of disagreement
among theologians as to how to interpret "difficult passages." I
also learned that much of this disagreement was due to linguistic
problems. When one read the King James Version of the Bible, one was
reading something translated from Hebrew and Greek into old Latin,
and from the Latin of the Vulgate, translated into English - only it
was the English of the 1600's, which was, as I learned, a pretty
I remember a particular incident that really drove this point home.
A rather famous radio minister was preaching a sermon based on Acts
28:13 where the KJV says, starting with verse 11,
"And after three months we departed
in a ship of Alexandria, which had wintered in the isle, whose
sign was Castor and Pollux. (12) And landing at Syracuse, we
tarried there three days. (13) And from thence we fetched a
compass, and came to Rhegium: and after one day the south wind
blew, and we came the next day to Puteoli..."
Well, this particular pastor decided to
use this verse as an allegory of needing the "compass of God" in
order to find one's way when the winds of life threaten to buffet
the faithful. He kept driving home the point about how the apostle
did not rely on his own direction, but bought a compass, and the
reason for this story to be in the Bible was to set just this
I wasn't altogether sure that compasses existed at that period of
time, and I wondered about this passage, so I did some research.
What I discovered was that the real meaning of "from thence we
fetched a compass," was "from there we made a circuit" or sailed in
a circle, following the coastline, and that it was an Elizabethan
This, of course, created a problem in my mind. If the Bible was the
Holy Word of God, ought we not, as faithful believers, discover
EXACTLY what those words meant so that we would not fall into errors
of understanding? This seemed pretty simple and logical to me. I
brought the issue up with my Minister and was set down in a pretty
firm manner. I was told that, in the first place, the Holy Spirit
"reveals" the truth to the faithful if they will only pray for
guidance, and in this particular case, the guidance was given to use
this passage in this way. Further, I was told, it was not necessary
to be "informed as to the vagaries of translation," because of this
very reason, and if a person begins to question their pastor or
teachers of the "faith," and to question the Bible itself, then it
was clear that these questions were being stimulated by Satan and,
consequently, I was in "grave danger" and needed to do a LOT of
praying to save myself from falling into this pit!
Naturally, I was frightened by this pronouncement. I searched my
conscience and carefully monitored and examined every thought and
feeling, searching for the inroads made by Satan. I prayed
diligently and fervently. I mean, God said it, I believed it and
that settled it! It was a closed, comfortable system with no
ambiguities. And I could see that the system was a good one: it
caused people to be kind, honest, sacrificing of personal comfort
for others, loyal and so forth. Devotion to these values was a
hallmark of the faith along with the confidence of the "rightness"
of their belief.
But, as I struggled with this issue, it was becoming increasingly
clear that nothing could be allowed to challenge the system and this
troubled me. What was so fragile about it that it could not
withstand questions and challenges?
I plunged into a veritable frenzy of prayer and fasting that was
intended to extirpate these questions from my mind. I saw them as
the influence of Satan - that a mind that sought knowledge was a
curse - and doubt was the wide road to Hell.
One Sunday during this time, I was sitting in church during the
Pastoral prayer. I was praying hard along with the Minister that God
would send the Holy Ghost to me to help me understand all that I
needed to understand.
Suddenly, I heard a buzzing noise, or a crackling sound, similar to
the sound of bacon sizzling in the pan, and the voice of the pastor
and the resonant "amens" from the congregation became very far away
and metallic sounding exactly as if I were hearing them broadcast
from a loudspeaker under water.
This shocked me and my eyes snapped open to see if my vision was
impaired because I thought I might be having a stroke or something.
I was completely dismayed to see that the Minister, standing at the
podium, gripping the stand with both hands, his eyes closed and his
head thrown back in the profound drama of his praying, was overlayed
with a shimmering, living, image of a WOLF!
It was exactly as if a film was being projected onto him where the
image of the wolf, in full color, was a sort of "alter ego" and all
the expressions of the pastor were corrupted and twisted by the
matching expressions of the wolf, When the Minister would move his
hands or shake his head, so did the wolf. Every move of the
Minister's mouth was exactly matched by the gaping jaws of the
toothsome figure from Hell! It was not a solid figure, it was a
"projection of light," so to speak.
I quickly looked around the sanctuary to see if this was a complete
delusion, and was shocked to see similar "overlays" on all the
people there. Many of them were sheep, but there were also pigs and
cows and other creatures represented.
I was HORRIFIED! I was sure that the Devil had me now for sure! Here
I was, in the middle of church, seeing our beloved Minister in the
guise of a WOLF! It was damnation for certain!
I closed my eyes and prayed harder. The sound anomaly continued and
I opened my eyes to peek again. The wolf was still there dramatizing
the mellifluously intoned pastoral prayer.
I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and prayed and prayed and rebuked
Satan and finally began to just repeat the Lord's prayer over and
over again to drive this image from my reality. Soon, it began to
taper off and die away and when I opened my eyes again, the wolf was
gone and I was VERY relieved to have won this battle with Satan.
A couple of Sundays later, we arrived a little late, expecting the
services to be already started. We were surprised to see the
congregation all gathered outside the church door, milling about
like lost sheep. We discovered that the Minister had done a
"midnight flit," so to speak, leaving the church in a bad way,
having embezzled a huge amount of money from the funds that were
supposed to pay the bills for the building and supply the various
organizations. There was even a bill for dock rent for a rather
large yacht that the church was also paying for, unbeknownst to all
the members. All the expensive furnishings of the luxurious
parsonage were gone, the mortgages on both buildings were on the
verge of foreclosure, the electricity was about to be shut off...
and the Minister and his family were gone to parts unknown.
I was stunned. I realized that my "vision" was exactly what I had
been praying for: the Holy Spirit revealing the "truth" to me, and I
had rebuked it and cast it away!
This resulted in shift in my faith in my own ability to be "in
touch" with God, or whoever was in charge of this Universe. Clearly,
I had been shown the truth under the surface, and my self-doubts and
belief in the authority of others had interfered with my communion
with Holy Spirit.
So, this gave my studies a little boost. I understood an essential
thing: if you truly pray for guidance, deeply and sincerely, it WILL
come, but it may not be what you want to hear or believe and it may
go against what others are saying or teaching.
But this, of course, raised other questions. The most dominant was
how was one to tell when it was a misleading influence and how to
tell if it was truly a Divine Revelation? If a number of people are
claiming that the "Holy Spirit" is giving them revelations, and
these revelations are contradictory, then somebody is wrong or all
of them are wrong. And we have only our knowledge and reason with
which to analyze and compare.
In Christianity, we generally find rejection of knowledge and
reason. Nothing is allowed to challenge the system No ambiguity can
be tolerated. All who believe differently are a threat; therefore,
we must keep up our guard against them and their father, Satan, or
at the very least, convert them to our way of thinking. One way to
prove that we are "right" is to convert others to our view!
This leads to another thing about my religion that really bothered
me. My protestant family was appalled when my uncle married a
Catholic and his sister converted to Catholicism. According to many
protestant religions, Catholics are members of the "Church of
Satan," the "Great Whore of Babylon." But I could clearly see that
these Catholic Aunts of mine were far better Christians than the
"saved" members of my immediate family. This exclusion by virtue of
a single point of doctrine, being "born again," struck me as a VERY
judgmental and un-Christian attitude. It also brought up the
standard questions about what happens to those people who never have
the opportunity to "hear the word and be saved." That did NOT
bespeak a loving and merciful God!
But, at some point, honesty and sincerity of the heart, if it exists
in a person, will cause them to question the correctness of this
view. Honesty made me ask questions, and the evasiveness of the
answers, or the attacks directed against me because of the very
asking, gradually removed the scales from my eyes and I began to
see. I began to see the "standard religion" for what it truly is: a
In the beginning, I believed that the Bible was an infallible,
inspired, "God Given" book. Every jot and title were the very
words of God. To question this was a sin. God was not the
author of doubt.
However, after the experience discussed above, and other similar
visions that were more personal, I began to read and think and
"There lives more faith in honest
doubt, believe me, than in half the creeds."
The death of Christ, the
sacrifice that he supposedly made: was it true? The standard
Christian religion says that Jesus died for the sins of all. Then he
rose again after merely three days in the grave, exactly as he
predicted that he would (if you accept the myth).
Well, as one apostate theologian wrote:
"My friend, I would give MY life for
a good cause if I KNEW that I was coming back in three days!
Where is the 'sacrifice?'"
Jesus said: "ask and ye shall receive."
Christians pray about things they wish to see happen or about things
they wish to have. If the things they are praying about come about,
everyone praises God. If the things do not come about, then "it just
isn't God's will." But, with such a handy explanation for EITHER
result, it reduces prayer to "six of one, half a dozen of the
other." What will be, will be.
Why pray? Why not just do your best and
hope for a good outcome? And, when you think about this, you realize
that you are praying to someone for whom you have to make EXCUSES!
"Maybe it wasn't God's will." Or, "We don't have enough faith for
God to act." Or "God will act in His own time and not ours." Or
"The ways of God are a mystery."
Excuses, excuses, excuses!
"If any two of you shall agree and
ask... it shall be done."
That's a PROMISE. What do you want or
need? Just ask! But it doesn't work and you know it!
The Letter of James says: "If there are any who are sick... call the
elders... They will pray and the prayer of fiath shall save the
sick, and the Lord shall raise him up." That doesn't work either -
or only works sometimes.... exactly as often as it works for people
who DON'T pray to Jesus, or who pray to any of a variety of Gods or
These promises are taught to little children in Sunday School as
TRUTH. They are promoted as divine teaching by a Savior who cares
and loves, as promises that an all powerful, omniscient, perfectly
loving God can and WILL perform. And worse yet: little children are
inculcated with a feeling of intrinsic guilt and unworthiness
because of "Original Sin." Every human attribute they possess, and
everything natural is twisted and distorted and repressed for being
the "Curse of Eve."
This naturally imposes a double burden on women. As long as women
regard the Bible as the "charter of their rights," they will be the
slave of men. For women, there is no escape from the degrading
teachings of the Bible.
I say again:
Christianity is a CULT.
A cult has certain
peculiarities, things one can and cannot do, things one must
believe and pledge allegiance to.
In Christianity, we are told a
diverse set of things we should and should not do, most
especially, how we must believe and in what.
A cult does not save anyone from
anything - it enslaves.
A cult does not bring peace, it
A cult is not freedom, it is
Christians claim that Jesus saves. What
does he save you from? Lying?
There are lots of folks who are not
Christian who do not lie. Does he save you from adultery? Only you
can save yourself from adultery. Does Jesus save you from cheating?
Lots of "born again" folks aren't saved from that because, of all
things, they cheat themselves.
If we take away the "standard religion," what do we have left?
Our correspondent wrote: [One] who is not afraid of expanding the
scope of physics into quasi-religious areas...."
So, without religion we have a person who believes in their
God-given personal strengths and weaknesses, a person who seeks
always to strengthen the weaknesses and to moderate and use wisely
the strengths. We have a person who believes in the worth and
dignity of every individual and who does not classify people
according to their beliefs, their lifestyles or other criteria.
Jesus said: "By their fruits you shall know them..." I wish to point
out that the idea of "being born again" or "saved by a confession of
faith" is only a matter of degrees away from the Inquisition, the
Crusades, and the arrogant destruction of thousands upon thousands
of human beings, their cultural artifacts, and their social
Those who claim that "Christianity is RIGHT," and excuse
those who instituted the horrors that accompanied the IMPOSITION of
this religion on the majority of the Western World, and the
concomitant Dark Ages (a clue?) were just "in error, but their
hearts were in the right place," are kidding themselves. There is
very little difference between proselytizing your religion as being
the only "Right" one and killing another person for not believing as
you do. I repeat: it is only a matter of degree.
How often have you read the bumper sticker that says: "Christians
aren't perfect, just forgiven." The arrogance and self-righteousness
contained in that remark underpins a Fascist mindset that ought to
terrify anyone who reads it.
Without standard religion and its Fascist burying of the talents of
knowledge, one can pursue the free and disciplined search for truth
But, our correspondent also wrote: "Conventional religion is just
like conventional maths. It's where we should automatically go.
Conventional religion is simply a matter of openness to God, if he
exists, and asking him to download some software, if he exists....
Well, I have to differ in this opinion. "Conventional religion"
cannot even remotely be equated to conventional math.
Math is based on knowledge, reason, work, observation, studious
attention to repeating factors - based on facts, in fact.
Conventional religion cannot make that claim in any sense of the
"Conventional religion" takes an attitude toward the Bible that is
"non-critical." It considers the Bible divinely inspired and not to
be studied like other literature with a view to determining the
dates and authors or the sources which went to make up the various
writings included in the canon of scripture.
The touchstone of orthodoxy is to insist on a literal interpretation.
It is thought that if one thinks that the Bible doesn't mean what it
says about the world being created by God in six days, then there is
no obligation to take the Bible seriously when it says "Thou shalt
not commit adultery" and "<i>Christ </i>died for our sins."
take a critical approach to the Bible is in itself a denial of
Even a relatively superficial study of the New Testament quotations
from the Old Testament reveals a bewildering number of variations.
Not only so, but there is a large number of manuscripts of the Bible
with many differences among them.
We would all prefer to live in certainty and not uncertainty. We all
would like to have an authoritative voice to tell us: "this is the
way, walk ye in it!" But, it seems that it is part of the Divine
plan to withhold that certainty, to FORCE us to seek and ask
questions. Those who do not, are burying their talent.
Our weak human nature shrinks from this uncertainty and "absolutizing"
religion is one attempt to overcome this uncertainty.
My journey, after coming to these conclusions, has been a journey of
liberation. I have NOT been liberated from faith in God, but that is
another story. I have been liberated from my mistaken ideas that God
can be found in the pages of a book... clearly a little God.
As a critical believer, I am concerned with God in a different way.
I do not believe that God, even by divine choice, has limited His
actions to what people can discover from reading the Bible or
belonging to a "conventional religion." God is far greater than
A Sufi saying states:
"Religion is like a garment. One has
to know how it fits before one can take it off."
As a Christian, I was corrupted by
believing that what I had was the absolute knowledge of life and
death. I was burying my talent for dear life!
Emerging from this "cocoon of self-reflective awareness" was a VERY
painful ordeal. The idea of abandoning Christianity altogether was
simply too frightening to consider, so I proceeded by stages.
Time and again I tried to "resubmit" my mind to the authority of the
Bible and the "conventional religion." But it was like trying to
force myself to believe that 2 + 2 = 5. I simply could not live in a
faith that could not successfully stand up to a single question or
So, as a result of my deep study of Conventional religion which
evolved from my intense desire to get closer to God, I found myself
in the position that I was unable to affirm much of what my entire
life had been based upon. I might add that I was dragged kicking and
screaming to this conclusion.
"Born again" living became a crutch that protracted immaturity and
did not promote true healing and growth.
There are many opinions thrust upon me for my departure from
Christianity. Those who are still Christians see me as damned or
"expelled from Eden" for daring to eat of the Tree of
Historical-Critical" knowledge. They pray for me regularly.
Those in the "scientific" camp see me as having lost my mind for
continuing to believe that there IS something to be accessed in
spiritual practice - that we CAN communicate with higher forces.
Those in the "metaphysical" camp who think that
higher forces IS possible and probable, condemn me as well because
the Cassiopaean Transmissions do not promote another "religio-cult"
of salvation and do not tout the "space brothers" as the friends and
benefactors of mankind, but rather emphasize the condition that is
historically accurate, which is that mankind is asleep and his only
hope of awakening is to be "tried by fire" and made strong in his
So, it becomes necessary for me to talk about the process of the
"Coming of the Cassiopaeans" in some detail. What was the process?
How did I go about it? What "precautions" did I take? What
validations are there that the material is in any way accurate?
All of these questions need to be addressed, and they are questions
I have heretofore not dealt with due to the complexity of the
subject. But it is a story of MIRACLES and events of amazing GRACE.
It deserves to be told.
Our correspondent wrote:
"Conventional religion is simply a matter
of openness to God, if he exists, and asking him to download some
software, if he exists...."
Well, by this definition alone, I believe that the Cassiopaean
Transmissions are, in fact, a "download" from God.
The communication was a result of my openness toward, and intense
desire for, communication with God coupled with ASKING. Truly asking
with no preconceived notions of how God should answer. No
no expectations, no demands that the answers conform to a pre-fab
After years of searching and study, I still believed that one could
ASK and get an answer, that one could KNOCK and the door would be
It is necessary, at this point, to go in another direction for a
All my life I have been a "seeker" - a seeker of truth and meaning -
because it is an essential thing to me. Some people are content to
not know; but I have never been content - my curiosity burns at a
white-hot heat almost constantly. And, behind it is a driving force
that makes me unable to truly rest until I have discovered all I can
about that which intrigues me - which is pretty much everything in
During the years of study and search for God, I trained as a
hypnotherapist and practiced and taught classes in hypnosis,
relaxation techniques, and guided meditation for many years.
During the same period I was employed as a social worker for the
State Department of Health and Rehabilitative Services. This gave me
many opportunities for "continuing education" classes in psychology
as well as a theater to observe and work with people who had severe
problems both psychologically and in terms of simply dealing with
Many of these problems were concerned with deep philosophical
issues, though the victims were, for the most part, unaware of these
In a sense, it could be said that I sought to solve problems for
others because I could not solve the most basic problem of my own
existence - that no matter how hard I studied, what I tried, or
where I turned, I could not find satisfaction for this "empty"
feeling inside that I perceived as a need for God - for meaning and
purpose - and to be content in my faith.
I studied other religious systems, mysticism, the paranormal and
occult, and history in vast numbers of books, looking for, in
effect, the "Footprints" of God.
Throughout my life I also had dreams and impressions of SOMEONE. I
would awaken at night with the articulated thought reverberating in
my mind: "where is he???" and feel utterly lost and bereft.
There was no rational explanation for this and perhaps much of my
seeking was to find out what might be "wrong" with me that I felt
such an "absence" in my life no matter how I sought to fill it with
activity, family, and all the accoutrements of modern society.
No matter what I did, no matter who I was with, I felt alone.
And I had repeating dreams that all circled around a theme of
tragedy and loss.
One of the earliest of these repeating dreams occurred when I was
about 7 years old. This dream was of being taken by a group of
uniformed men to a place in a wooded area and shown a grave with a
baby in it. The baby's hands and feet had been cut off and I was
told that this would be done to me, too. (Now, WHERE would a seven
year old get an idea like this?)
A later dream (some years later) expanded on the theme by showing
the grave with little hands and feet barely covered by the dirt
accompanied by the sensation that these were loved ones.
In another dream, I was married to someone I loved very much and to
whom I felt a powerful connection. In this dream, there was a
sensation of danger and that somehow, I was the cause of this
threat. I would see my husband leaving to go on a journey, and then
a group of soldiers began shooting at him and I could see his body
being cut to bloody pieces by the bullets.
The idea of my being "responsible" for this event, even if
unwittingly, was emphasized in another dream. I knew that I was
German and he was Jewish and it was German Nazis (members of my
race) who were killing him, thereby making the connection of my
feelings of "guilt."
I would always awaken from these very REAL dreams soaked in a cold
sweat, with my heart pounding, and crying in soul deep grief.
At the same time, in my ordinary life, I had a REAL problem. The
problem related to a SERIOUS distrust of ALL authority to the extent
that I could not even allow my children to attend public schools. I
would stay in such a state of "panic" anytime they were away from me
that it was almost pathological! To put it mildly, I was known as an
extremely over-protective mother!
The good side of this was that I became an obsessively thorough
"researcher" into any idea that was presented to me as fact. I quite
simply did not believe anything simply because somebody said it was
true and had to establish the facts for myself.
And there was my obsession with the holocaust. I would try to resist
it because it caused debilitating depression.
I read the first book about WWII when I was 11, and it was about the
Polish Resistance in Warsaw. My Aunt played the piano and I
regularly pestered her to play the "Warsaw Concerto" which had an
effect on me like no other piece of music. This was probably due to
the suggestive power of the name of the piece, but even that has a
root in past and later events, as we shall see.
So, as time went by, my hopes of finding my "someone" faded and part
of this was because I believed in the psychological interpretations
of my "tender" and became convinced that I must "be happy" in order
to "find happiness."
So, I shoved my dreams under the rug and married a man who was very
religious because I saw this as a "stabilizing" thing. However, it
turned out to be the weapon of my destruction which is another story
altogether and not relevant.
My husband moved us to a place in the country where I was completely
isolated. After the birth of my fourth child, I was completely
bedridden due to pelvic injuries. It had been my habit for the
previous years to stay so busy that I did not really THINK about
things. But now, I could do nothing BUT think! And read. And write
what I was thinking.
As I was getting better, I finally decided that I had to get this
"holocaust business" out of my system. I had some "Time/Life" books
about WWII with lots of photos; I spent days, even weeks, poring
over these photos, examining each face over and over, looking into
eyes; with no understanding of what I was looking for.
I told myself that I was looking for God. I needed to find out how
such a horror could have come to be in the realm of an all-wise,
loving God. What was this "evil" that existed in our world that
opposed God? How could ANYTHING oppose God? What was the nature of
this "rebellion?" What was the core, the seed, the reflection of the
evil these people were looking at. I wanted to find something in
their eyes, their expression, that would tell me something about how
such a thing could come to be in a so- called civilized world.
I cried and agonized over these pictures for weeks or months. Every
little child was my child. Every woman was me or my mother. Every
man was... HIM.
Then I had THE dream. It was a replay of the dream of my husband
being shot by the soldiers, only in this dream I ran after him
crying "Wait for me! I am coming!" and I stood up on the rail of a
balcony reaching my hands to the sky, and stepped off.
And a voice that I have experienced several times in my life spoke
to me clearly as I awakened telling me that this WAS my past life.
I understood then that I had taken my own life in despair over the
loss of my husband and family, and my grief and longing, frozen like
a snapshot in that moment of supreme anguish and death, had been
carried over into this life.
So, I KNEW. And, it was really a terrible thing. I felt like my
whole life was a lie.
I KNEW why I could not feel about things as other people did. I KNEW
this husband of mine who had been taken from me in such terrible
circumstances; I knew him so deeply inside my soul that all life was
empty without him.
And, I understood what a terrible thing I had done to my husband of
the present life and WHY he needed to constantly hurt and punish me.
In some way he knew that when I went to sleep every night that the
last thing I would think is "Where is he? Where is THE ONE?"
But, there I was... married, with children and obligations that it
was not in my nature to turn away from. I was committed to the
circumstances of this life and there was no choice but to go on and
live as fully and well as I could and hope that in some future life,
I would find "HIM" and my soul would be healed.
I submitted to the circumstances of my life and did the best I
could. And because I so desperately needed to find peace and
contentment with life as it was, I began to study and practice
meditation in a serious way which led to a number of REALLY strange
experiences involving PK, probable abductions, etc. which are not
relevant to the present story.
Because of my deeply ingrained Christian upbringing, I continued to
study the Bible for clues, long after I had given up the idea that
it was the "inspired Word of God." I considered it in the same light
as other "psychic literature," worthy of examination and comparison.
As I studied, I became focused on the book of Revelation and the
comparison of these prophecies to other "channeled" teachings.
During this period, many wonderful revelations came to me and I
wrote a book at the dictation of these visions and entitled it "The
Noah Syndrome." The central theme was "finding the Spiritual Ark" in
order to achieve Metamorphosis to the promised restoration of the Edenic State. I mention this because it is strange that I became so
focused on "finding the Spiritual Ark," and I did, indeed, later
"find my Ark."
The almost incredible events of this "channeling" process of "The
Noah Syndrome" will also have to be told elsewhere, but I will
mention in passing that things which were "given" to me to know back
in 1985 and 1986 are now becoming popular ideas in metaphysics as
well as in scientific circles.
But, back to the narrative: I had inherited a property with my
mother and brother which was my mother's home. It was a large piece
of acreage and it was becoming increasingly apparent that my mother
was no longer able to maintain it. It was agreed to sell it which
meant that I had to find a new house for my mother to live in. While
I was house shopping for her, I stumbled on this wonderful huge, old
house that was within my budget even AFTER buying a house for my
The house needed renovations, but I just loved it, including the
fact that it was in the center of the old part of a nearby town.
Living in the country had been fine during my period of illness and
enforced study and meditation, but I needed to be more centrally
located for my work. Commuting had become an ordeal that was
inhibiting my full recovery.
My husband was happy living in a rural setting because it was close
to everything he was interested in, but the children and I had had
enough. As a result of being so far away from everything, we seldom
did anything other than what was necessary. Artistic and cultural
pursuits were limited because it was so far to drive to get
So, we had a terrible argument and for the first time in our
marriage, I stood up for myself and the children and told him I was
buying the house whether he liked it or not, and the children and I
would move there and he could come or not as he liked!
And, I did.
Well, the relationship simply deteriorated from that point on, but
in the new house I was able to do a lot of extra things that had
been denied to me when we lived so far out in the woods. I now had
more time for other things. I made new friends, expanded my
hypnotherapy client base, and also was able to respond to requests
for consulting for a firm of attorneys and private investigators.
This last item was a super school for learning to discern between
truth and falsehood and also learning ways and means of digging up
or eliciting information that was hidden or layered under lies and
confusion. I can't talk too much about the range and type of the
work because it was and continues to be confidential, but it gave me
an excellent opportunity to expand my skills in dealing with
"aberrant" thinking and certain types of situations that followed
patterns of antisocial behavior.
I also expanded my repertoire into the field of Spirit Releasement
Therapy as written about by Dr. William Baldwin.
Prior to this time, I had dealt with what I would call "minor"
possession type situations, but I had addressed them in the standard
clinical modes. At one point, I innovated and serendipitously
effected a "release" of a six year old boy. After becoming aware of
Dr. Baldwin's work, I realized that I had sort of naturally fallen
into this type of therapy as a result of this "innovation" which
arose out of frustration that the standard modes were not working.
Then, my youngest child became ill. She was so sick that I was
afraid that she would die, and I decided to put everything on hold
to be with her. I reduced the activities that were draining and
stressful and began to think about doing something that took less
time and energy so that I could devote myself to the care of the
baby. We were used to two incomes, and we certainly were going to
continue to need such with mounting medical expenses that were not
covered by insurance.
In the daily paper, I read an ad for a scriptwriter. I had no real
writing experience except in writing case narratives, business
reports and legal documents,(and a channeled book) but I figured I
could write anything, and I had heard that such work paid well in
terms of time and energy expenditure. Besides, I was curious as to
who, in this backwater area, would be wanting a scriptwriter for
television! So, I called. And that is how I met Freddie.
In 1991 I met Fredric Irland who was, at the time, a production
assistant to a man who produced and directed infomercials. I had
answered an ad for a "television script writer." The fact is, I was
mostly just curious as to WHO would be in need of a script writer in
this small town. I did need less stressful work that I could do at
home, but this was more in the way of "breaking the job search ice"
than a call to which I attached any expectations.
I mention this because it has turned out to be a clue to
"activation" of universal potentials. I have learned that when I act
in the "mind of a child," and with no emotional attachment or
anticipation to a given outcome, the universe has a marvelous way of
responding with all and everything that is needed. But, that is
really getting ahead of the story, because I didn't KNOW that then!
Freddie answered the phone. During the course of the "phone
interview," the questions concentrated on my possible qualifications
for the job. I frankly told him that I had none. Yes, I had written
an unpublished book that was sort of "channeled," one of my hobbies
was astrology which, even though I had a computer program to do the
calculations, still required a lot of writing; I had written a lot
of case reports during the years I worked for the State as a social
worker; hypnotherapy case reports, and consulting reports and
personality profiles for a firm of attorneys and private
All of these areas of experience interested Freddie enormously and,
after finishing with the basic talk about the job, we moved on to
discuss metaphysics and so forth. I mentioned that one of my hobbies
was astrology and that I had a nice computer program that produces
interesting charts. He wanted me to do his chart, so he gave me his
birth data, which included his town of birth, Ypsilanti, Michigan.
We had a long and interesting conversation, discovered that we had
read many of the same books and held many of the same opinions about
various phenomena, and so on. He made arrangements to visit me in a
couple of days to pick up the horoscope, and that was that.
Well, a few minutes after I hung up the phone, it rang again. It was
a wrong number, but the crazy thing was that it was a woman calling
long distance trying to contact her relatives in Florida and she
wanted me to help her find their number. She mentioned that she was
calling from Ypsilanti, Michigan! Needless to say, I did a
At the appointed time, Freddie visited. I had an impression of him
from his voice, that he would be a very large, portly, man. But, he
was, on the contrary, VERY tall and thin.
We began a series of conversations that went on for months. He made
it a habit to visit at least once a week. AND, he got me the job as
So, we were involved on a friendly and professional basis. My
ex-husband was jealous of this friendship, but not in the ordinary
way, since Freddie is very "androgynous" in appearance and manner.
In fact, many people think he is gay. The truth is: he has
absolutely NO interest in sex or physical relationships of any kind.
He is very much like a child in an adult body, though there is
nothing childlike about his intellect.
Anyway, after a long while of discussing philosophy and science and
metaphysics in general, and sharing the "Noah Syndrome" with him,
the subject moved on to aliens.
You have to understand that, at the time, I was a "flaming skeptic"
about aliens in general and specific. I had spent so much time
poking around in people's heads in therapeutic ways, that I had
determined that such "sightings" and claims of "abductions" were
simply a "drama" to express some hidden or repressed elements of the
subconscious. I would not even read about them after reading Whitley Streiber's book "Communion" and
Ruth Montgomery's "Aliens Among Us."
The stories were so "crazy" to me, and smacked of such deep
"repressions," that I simply could not consider them to be "real."
Over the years my hypnotherapy had evolved and I found myself doing
a lot of "past life regressions" at the request of many clients.
This led to an in-depth study of past life therapy, which proved to
be so effective that I "specialized" in it. I did not really
"believe" in reincarnation, but I figured that, if a person needed
to create a drama to resolve an issue, it was fine with me. Whatever
works! It was just one of the many tools I used to get people
functional and at peace.
The reason I held such a skeptical view was that I had endeavored
over the years to establish some "facts" from many of these
sessions, and, as the record shows with other therapists, it is very
difficult to get verifiable facts in such cases. I became very
knowledgeable in history and sometimes it happened that folks knew or
described things that were very obscure, but very often, when one
attempts to check names and dates, they can find nothing, or another
explanation can be offered for their knowledge in the event of a
I was trying to keep an open mind, but at the same time, I was
somewhat "clinical" and "scientific" about it all. So, the subject
of "aliens" and "abductions" was only of interest to me as an
"archetypal drama" of the subconscious mind. The fact that there was
so MUCH of it in recent times, I attributed to a sort of "mass
hysteria," (which I had also studied) which was communicated rather
like the "100th Monkey" syndrome - via the "collective unconscious."
I called it the "Millennial Disease," because it had certain factors
that were rather like an illness. The purported "physical" effects,
I attributed to "stigmata" like effects, or "poltergeist" events.
I knew that the mind can do MANY strange things; so I pretty much
had a neatly sewn-up theory about it all, it was labeled,
categorized, and tucked into very organized "files" in my mind. So,
when Freddie wanted to discuss the alien "business" as a "reality,"
we fell into a LOT of disagreement. He would shake his head in
wonder at my stubbornness in refusing to admit that there was
anything "real" about it at all. We were at an impasse on this
subject. I even became "contemptuous" and sarcastic when referring
to it. I had another name for it: "The Alien Rapture Theory," which
I held to be about as reasonable as the various "Pre-Tribulation,
Mid-Tribulation," and "Post-Tribulation Rapture" theories of the
So, 1991 passed. Through a series of unusual connections, a
chiropractor acquaintance of my mother's asked to see the baby
because he had a theory about her illness which was tentatively
diagnosed as cystic fibrosis. Since the allopathic routine was
having little effect, I didn't feel that I had much to lose, and I
agreed. After five "adjustments," I was able to take her off of half
her medication. The chiropractor suggested raw goats' milk, and once
she was switched to that, she began to thrive. Within another six
months, she had regained her weight and no longer looked like a
famine victim. Today, she is perfectly normal in every respect
except for a tendency to asthma when she catches a cold and has to
be watched for that.
In 1992, Freddie and I came up with the idea of "contacting" a
"higher source." We had been discussing and reading about
channelling for a long time, and we had examined a lot of case
histories from the old British SPR files, the Cayce files, and as a
result of our studies and discussions on the subject, we decided
that contact with true "higher sources" was, in fact, possible.
Part of this theory was that the reason other "sources" proved to be
so "human" and "fallible," was because an initial error was made in
the thinking of the channels. They assumed that a higher source
could just be "called on the phone," so to speak, and that was that.
We theorized, from the few flashes of "light" we could discern in
the vast body of material, that an occasional "higher level" being
would try to communicate, but was prevented by a number of factors.
The chief obstruction being the "cloud" of lower level beings and
thoughts that apparently surrounded our realm like a curtain. These
"dark thoughts" were, in my opinion, the result of "programmed"
By this time, I had much experience in Dr. Baldwin's Spirit Release
techniques, and had even encountered what I would call a REAL cases
of possession by dark entities that were not "dead dudes." And, I
had many conversations with both "dead dudes" and other types of
entities. For the most part, they often said exactly the same things
that many channeled teachings say, but when pressed for sources
themselves, it became clear that, as Edgar Cayce said:
"A dead Presbyterian is just that: a
They had a perspective that we don't
have in the body, but the level of knowledge is simply not, for the
most part, any greater. And, in fact, most knowledge gained by human
effort surpassed this information.
Yes, as I began to accept the idea of "dead dudes" because of my
work and all the material I was collecting, I began to wonder if
there was anything truly "higher," and if so, what it was and how
"high" could one really go?
In my research on the subject, I identified the second obstruction
which I called the "transducing factor" which was related to the
evidential idea that a truly higher level source simply could not
make a full and secure connection because it would be like trying to
run a 110V appliance on 220V current. If it was a "higher" source,
by definition, it's energy would so overwhelm any human recipient
that it could not be sustained.
There were many case histories that supported this hypothesis, and
many examples of people who went mad after trying.
For the most part, it was clear that such efforts posed many dangers
as explicated in extensive readings in ancient literature and
various Eastern teachings.
Our analysis of the various methods presented its own problems.
Relative to the theorized "high voltage" of such "higher sources,"
we decided that the only way to make such a contact was to combine
the energies of two or more people as a "receiver," and then to
attempt to "tune" the receiver with repeated acts of "intent." In
this way, we felt that the "cloud" or "veil" could be penetrated
rather like "breaking" through a dyke.
Clearly, the only real way to combine energies as a "receiver" was
to use some form of "communication" that REQUIRED more than one
person. The obvious answer was a board type instrument. Naturally,
this requires a high level of trust since each person must endeavor
to be "clean and clear" in their participation, and must trust that
the other is making similar efforts. I felt that Freddie was as
sincerely interested in the experiment as I was, so that trust was
Another consideration was to keep the psyche "clean" and allow it to
"tune" without energy drains from other things that might be
"plugged" in. So, this brought in the elements of Spirit Release
Therapy which we employed regularly on ourselves as a form of
spiritual hygiene. I utilized, in a modified form, Dr. Carl Wickland's method of what I call "Spirit Viewing," on myself, and
did the work with Freddie directly.
This "Spirit Viewing" technique has many other interesting
applications in terms of discovering the true nature of any given
individual without violating free will, and I still employ it
regularly. I have always found it to be accurate, even on occasions
when I initially doubted that what was seen could be true. As an
aside, I will note that most "interfering energies" present
themselves in archetypal symbols of a fairly homogeneous character -
a fascinating field of study in and of itself.
So, we thought we had a pretty good theory and we decided to put it
into the test phase keeping in mind the dangers.
We began. We met every week to sit and attempt contact. Except to
say that we spent many months receiving just nonsense before we
"graduated" to "dead dudes," I will leave this subject hanging in
the background. I have a dozen or more notebooks which record every
motion of the planchette for over two years.
The year passed. It was now 1993 and we had been engaged in our
"experiment" for some time.
Meanwhile, a local 12 year old girl was reported missing. I was very
shaken by it because, when her photo was displayed on the
television, she looked so much like my number two daughter that I
almost began to cry! I was surprised by my emotional reaction! And,
even more surprised when I "saw" in my mind's eye that the girl was
dead, naked, wrapped in what looked like saran wrap, lying in a
stand of pine trees. I even had a "sensation" of the general
Of course, every psychic in the area jumped on the bandwagon and
were leading the cops around here and there and saying that the girl
was alive, but hurt and locked up in somebody's shed or well house.
Naturally, this led to everybody in the county running out and
looking in their sheds, their neighbors' sheds, and so forth.
One of these local "psychics" who had heard of my ongoing "channeling
experiment" as well as my previous work in criminal investigations,
called me to ask if I would help her out a bit from behind the
scenes. I flatly told her that the girl was dead. She practically
accused me of murdering the child by my lack of faith!
As it happened, the new Administrator of the Sheriff's department
was a guy I had gone to school with many years ago and he knew of my
other work. He called and asked my opinion and told him what I
though just from cold analysis. But, I added that I had experienced
a strange "insight" in this case and this interested him greatly. I
suggested the general direction in which the search ought to be
made, but before he could act on it, the girl's body was found -
within the very area I had indicated. Local hikers had found the
body; it was stripped, had been hosed to remove all traces of
evidence, and wrapped in plastic sheeting.
So, my friend decided that he wanted me to go out to the sites and
see if I could "sense" anything else. I told him that this really
was NOT my forte, and that I probably only had the "insight" because
of the emotional reaction to seeing the face that was so similar to
my daughter's. But, because he was rather desperate for a solution
on behalf of the family, who were personal friends of his, I agreed
to just give it a try. At the very least, I told him, if I have all
the facts, I can write a profile.
As an aside, and because it figures in the following events, I need
to inform the reader that I had been suffering from a heart
condition since an illness in 1980 which had damaged my heart
valves, and it was gradually getting worse, so I had to be rather
careful about getting out and being too physically active! Traveling
was very difficult for me. But, I felt a lot of sympathy for this
poor family, so I agreed to have a look, expecting nothing special;
a report that would lead to nothing spectacular.
It was about 20 miles to the location where the body was found. I
drove around the area where the girl lived and just sort of tried to
be open to any impression that might come. My objective was to see
everything through the mind of the killer and get "into" his thought
I have never considered myself to be psychic, just extremely good at
analysis based on small clues. The solution to the murder is another
whole story that is not relevant at present, so we will leave this
subject hanging also.
Aside from solving the murder, there was a more significant result
to these perambulations. The result of all this traipsing around and
putting on that "mind," was that I became VERY ill. This was the
very thing that I had been trying to get away from - it was just too
stressful. Nevertheless, I had become involved again and the results
were disastrous. I was ordered to bed for complete rest for ten days
or longer, or risk being hospitalized.
After a few days of feeling on the verge of death, I began to feel
better and my mind was in need of "entertainment," or so Freddie
suspected. I asked him to bring me something new to read, and he
arrived with a large grocery sack FULL of UFO and Alien Abduction
I was FURIOUS!
I told him that I was NOT going to read them so he could just take
them back! He set the bag down, laughed and left.
After awhile, the boredom became pretty severe, so I reached in and
pulled out a book. It was "Missing Time," by Budd Hopkins. I was
pretty amazed as I read this. It was NOT the flakey flim-flam of
Ruth Montgomery nor was it the "Gothic Existential Angst" of Whitley
Strieber. It was actually an attempt at "serious research!" I was
surprised. And, more disturbing, I recognized many things that had
been shoved under the rug in my own life were clearly evident in the
lives of the people interviewed for this book - only they had
reached a point of no longer being able to shove these "anomalous
events" under the rug, and were exploring them and talking about
Reading these accounts forced me to look at certain things in my
studies as well as my personal life with a new eye. But, after some
consideration, I brushed that away because I could think of a dozen
other explanations for the things that I had experienced.
I read on. Book after book. "The Interrupted Journey," "The
Andreasson Affair," "The Alien Agenda," and so on and on.
By the time I finished I was sure of one thing and one thing only:
there was a LOT of smoke!
On the one hand, they say "where there's smoke, there is fire," and
on the other hand, the smoke obscures the source of the fire and the
fire itself may be nothing more than a smoldering mess. I wasn't
sure if this was a "manipulation" by the government to make people
THINK aliens existed, or if aliens existed and were trying to make
the government look guilty.
To further confuse the issue was the question, assuming the aliens
were "real," as to whether they were "good" or "evil."
There was still my own explanation of the phenomenon, which, in my
opinion, held a lot of water, but, it was clear that there were some
puzzling elements here that deserved further study.
What a MORASS!
This was in March of 1993.
Meantime, another event occurred that was to change the whole tenor
of my perceptions... to an extent.
In spite of my deteriorating physical condition, I endeavored to
continue working with my clients because there was such a desperate
need for this type of work in the area.
Not long after I had been released from my sick-bed and the
inundation of UFO books, I went to the market one morning, and there
was a stack of pink flyers with "flea-market" type ads. I was
looking for some additional computer equipment, so I picked one up
and tucked it in my pocket. When I got home, I read over it and
noted an ad for exactly what I wanted.
I called the number and talked to the woman. We began to chat about
computers in general and specific. She asked, conversationally, what
programs I used and I mentioned my astrology programs which piqued
her interest. This led to questions which led to a series of remarks
about my work. THAT piqued her interest.
She began to "probe" a bit about the subject, and then asked about
scheduling a session because something REALLY strange had happened
to her back in 1987, and it STILL bothered her and she wanted to
know why, or at least get relief from the internal anxiety it had
The story was that she had been to the funeral of an aunt,
accompanied by her 16 yr old son, and they were returning home to
Fort Detrick and were driving on the Pennsylvania Turnpike. (I don't
remember where the funeral was.)
It began to snow, and she saw a very bright light ahead, off to the
side of the road, sort of bluish white, and she thought that it was
a light that had come on to illuminate a billboard since the snow
had made things a bit dark.
She then said that what happened next was so strange that, even in
remembering it, she felt strange and uneasy. She said that she felt
a paralysis come over her hands and arms as though someone had taken
control of the car.
I immediately recognized the prodromal "signs" of a "missing time"
experience as described by Budd Hopkins, so I casually asked what
She said that this was the crazy part because she couldn't remember!
It was driving her crazy! After seeing the light and feeling the
paralysis, the next thing she remembered was sitting at a traffic
light 50 or 60 miles down the road; did not remember making the turn
off the main highway, and her son had just cut his finger on a tin
of cookies he was trying to open. He was bleeding, and she "came to
herself" saying "there's a towel in the back seat," to him. To
further add to her dismay was the fact that she arrived home much
later than she should have, but, at the same time, still had an
almost full tank of gas.
She was SURE that it had been her aunt attempting to contact her
psychically and she really needed to have an answer.
Well, the fact that she made no mention or claim about aliens made
the whole thing VERY interesting to me. And, of course, I did NOT
want to even suggest anything about "aliens," as I wanted to try to
prove my theory about alien abductions being "psycho-dramas" in the
same manner as past lives, and so forth. I just agreed with her that
it might have been her aunt trying to "contact" her and that we
could certainly clear the problem up quickly with hypnosis!
She made an appointment. I decided to make a videotape of this
session rather than the usual audiotape. I wanted a record of my
"proof" that the "alien abduction phenomenon" had another
On the evening of the appointment (she had asked for an evening
appointment because of the fact that she was caring for an ill
husband and needed to come at a time when her kids would be home to
spell her), it began to storm terribly. I was sure she would NOT
come out in such rain and expected a cancellation. But, she showed
up. We went through the normal pre-session interview, and then
talked a bit about the event again, as I wanted to get the times and
details down. I wanted as many details about her general life
situation as I could get so that I would have clues about areas of
She said she was a real estate agent and also had the medical
reports business under a government contract. She talked a bit about
her children and her disabled/ill husband who was dying, and I was
sure that the stress of caring for him was part of her problem; at
the very least, an exacerbation.
NOTHING was said about "aliens." I carefully inquired about her
interests and she had never even been interested in metaphysical
things, much less aliens. She was sure that I was not going to be
able to hypnotize her. But, she was a good subject and quickly went
Since this session is on videotape and has not been transcribed, I
will just briefly mention the highlights. I guided her to the event
and suggested that we go through it "frame" at a time.
The first time through, she jumped from the light on the side of the
road and the sensation of beginning paralysis, to the traffic light
many miles away.
We went through it again. This time she realized that the car had
"parked itself" in the lot of a closed diner just ahead, and that
she could sense "figures" approaching the car which terrified her,
at which point she skipped like a scratched record to the traffic
I was pretty determined to get to the heart of the matter. I
realized that she might describe an "abduction," but I was planning
to use several guided imagery techniques to discover if she was
suppressing feelings regarding her childhood, her husband, her life,
her aunt, or whatever. I was going to "expose" the alien
abduction/missing time business as the psychodrama I believed it to
If ever there was proof that a hypnotherapist with a pre-formed
belief cannot influence the recall of a subject, this case is a
classic in that regard! I am ashamed to admit my assumptions now,
and I freely admit that it was not the proper approach to the
problem, but then again, the subject was not claiming to have been
abducted by aliens - at least not consciously. And I was going to be
very careful to not lead in any way so that the "experiment" would
So, we went through it again. This time, when we got to the part
where she saw (or sensed) the "beings" approaching the car, I had
her "freeze frame" it and tried to "split the screen" to discover
what was "behind" such images. But when I did, she began to writhe
and twist and clutch at her arms and cry out in pain: "Stop! It
hurts! It hurts! I can't! I can't!"
I asked her what she "couldn't do," and she said, "I can't tell!" I
gave suggestions to overcome the discomfort and to remove the block,
that she COULD tell... she was safe, it was past, and so on and on,
and it was completely ineffective.
To say that I was puzzled and frustrated is an understatement. I had
never encountered a blocked memory that I could not find some way to
access. This was one of my specialties. I could always find the
"backdoor" of the mind, ease the pain, and get to the root of the
problem. But try as I would, nothing worked! She repeated: "I can't!
I can't!" So, in frustration I asked: "WHY?" and her answer raised
the hair on my head and chilled me to the bone: "Because THEY won't
For a few moments I was completely nonplussed. I had never
encountered this "THEY" who could so effectively block memory and
cause pain and suffering when attempts were made to access it.
I realized that I was clearly dealing with a deeply repressed
trauma. I wanted to believe that it related to something in
childhood, or perhaps even a past life, but I couldn't shake the
eerie sensation that washed over me when she cried "THEY won't let
I knew that I could not lose the professional "control" and I
decided that perhaps she just needed to be in a deeper trance to
access this information. But, I was not going to push any further at
this moment. Sometimes a subject must be "conditioned," over time,
so I started the suggestions that would make her feel good, make her
LIKE hypnosis, make her want to do it again, and help her to go into
a trance more easily in the future so that a deeper state could be
achieved and we could "deal" with this thing. Then, I brought her
We discussed a future appointment and she agreed that she would like
to try again and that was that.
Okay, fine. End of story? Nope.
Several days later there was an article in the St. Pete Times about
a UFO sighting a few miles north of here which had occurred the
previous night. I didn't think too much about it. Freddie, of
course, was very perfectly gleeful about it, but I figured that,
after so many years with never a single UFO in the area, (there had
been no UFO sightings, to my knowledge, in this area since the 70s.)
we were probably overdue for the "Millennial Disease." We live in
such a quiet and sort of backward area that it generally took five
or ten years for "fads" to get here. And, I was still thinking that
this UFO business was a "fad."
The report of the sighting said that a family of five persons as
well as a State Trooper had witnessed the 300 foot wide floating
black boomerang, so it aroused a lot of interest because of the
I hadn't heard of this particular configuration of craft, but I was
frankly surprised at the synchronicity of a UFO sighting so soon
after this "missing time" session with the real estate agent.
The day following the publication of this initial UFO article, there
was an additional one. It seems that a LOT more people had seen the
things over the previous days and they were encouraged to hand in
their reports by the fact that a State Trooper was swearing he saw
it too! And, the skin began to crawl on my neck again as I read that
the FIRST sighting had been in MY neighborhood on the night, and at
the exact time that I had been working with this woman who had the
The name of the woman who had witnessed the UFO in my area was given
in the article and I looked her address up in the phone book and
tried to call her. As soon as I mentioned why I was calling, the
phone was slammed down, so it seems that she must have gotten some
nasty calls about it.
I called the reporter who had written the articles but he wasn't
able to add anything, so I decided that, given the fact she had
described the direction, I would just go to her house and casually
walk by and see what she might have seen.
My worst fears were confirmed. Looking in the direction she
described in the interview, at the time she described (she was going
to the bathroom while watching L.A. Law.), she would have been
looking at an area that was directly OVER my house!!!
I was NOT happy about this turn of events! It gave me the absolute
And it made me think.
It was so strange a synchronicity that I couldn't help but think
that the appearance of these craft related to our activities. I
tried to sweep this thought under the rug, but it kept coming back.
And that, of course, led to the thought of HOW this could be, and
the only solution I could think of was something that related to
"universal Consciousness" or God. And, if that was the case, then it
might be that it was designed to get my attention. And, if it was
designed to get my attention, what could be the purpose?
Well, there was a third article about this series of sightings -
seems that a dozen or more people had seen the blasted thing all
over the county - and this last article was designed to put it all
to rest; it was a suggestion that what had been seen was a "stealth
My comfort zone was reestablished and I could rest at night.
For a while...
Meanwhile, during the past four months my physical condition had
been rapidly deteriorating and I knew that I needed to do something
about it. I had been forced to reduce my workload to about three
clients a week, and this was so draining that the entire day
following a session was employed in recovery. I literally had no
other life but my clients and the channeling experiment. My husband
was very resentful of the time I gave to others. After trying
various adjustments, it became clear that he did not really want to
spend time with me, he merely resented that I spent time with anyone
else. He wanted me to be available to do what HE wanted, when he
wanted because he wanted to be waited on. He didn't understand that,
even if I did nothing, I couldn't wait on him. He simply did not
understand the difference between mental exertion and physical. My
children were taking care of my house, which I would not have been
able to do even if I had not being doing therapy.
The doctor had suggested mild aquatic exercise to strengthen my
heart without further stressing it. The problem was, the only place
to go for such therapy was a VERY stressful 30 minute drive away.
I was getting tired of being so weak and unable to accomplish all
the things I wanted to do. I knew that I probably did not have long
to live, but I wanted to make the time count. Here was this
interesting puzzle to be solved, and I didn't have the stamina to do
what needed to be done in terms of research.
I needed and wanted a swimming pool. So, I did what I always do when
in need: I prayed. I told God that this was all very interesting
stuff going on around me with these UFOs and abductees and so forth,
but it simply was a waste of time to expose me to it because I was
physically unable to respond to it effectively. A pool. That would
help, I thought.
Since Florida had started it's lottery, we had sort of habitually
bought a couple of tickets every week and I had won the daily "pick
three" twice from numbers I had dreamed, though it only paid about 3
to 5 hundred dollars. It was not a big "thing," but I figured a
couple of dollars a week was not really a "gambling habit," and I
would spend as much for a couple of colas.
Two months after the UFO flap, on July 2nd, 1993, and just a few
weeks after my prayer about my condition, we won the Fantasy Five
game, which was a new feature that played three times a week. The
take on that night was over 15 thousand dollars, so I had my pool.
It wasn't ready until the middle of August. But, I was happy that it
was ready in time so that the children and I could "baptize" the
pool by floating on our rubber rafts and watching the Perseid Meteor
August 16, 1993. The children were excited to stay up and watch a
meteor shower in the pool and had rushed out at about 10. It gets
really dark here only after 9 in the evening in the summer time. I
rested to prepare for the exertion and went out to join them at
eleven o'clock. Three of the five children were out there with me.
My eldest daughter was on a date, and the baby was in bed.
I slid into pool for the first time, and was SOOOO happy and
grateful to have it! We started looking in the direction that the
meteors were supposed to be found and there were favorable viewing
conditions. No moon, clear sky with only a slight upper level haze
from the humidity, and the ambient light was minimal.
Suddenly, my twelve-year-old daughter cried out "LOOK! Overhead!"
Thinking it was a meteor, I immediately looked up... only it was NOT
a meteor... it was a 300 foot wide black boomerang, with a faint
reddish glow, moving so slow and low that I knew, if I had been
standing on the roof of my two story house, I could have reached up
and touched it! It was gliding so slowly that we had plenty of time
to note the "brushed matte black metal" underside; and we watched as
it moved ever so slowly overhead, seeming to float more than
anything else, and then continued south. It seemed to skim the
We were looking at each other and all saying at once: "WHAT WAS
THAT?! " When my son shouted: "Another one!" and, sure enough, just
to the west of the path of the first one, there was another. Every
detail was identical as to altitude, speed, reddish glow, and UTTER
SILENCE! And I WAS, at this point, in sufficient possession of my
senses to TRY to hear something! Dead silence. And that struck me as
odd since there are normally all kinds of night sounds: crickets,
night birds, frogs and so forth. But, there was nothing; no sound.
We stood there in amazement for a few frozen moments and then the
kids began to shout for their dad to come out. He came to the door
and asked what all the excitement was about. The kids were saying:
"We saw a UFO!" and he pooh-poohed and asked me WHAT we had seen.
I don't know why, and I will NEVER be able to explain it, but I was
deeply distressed and I said: "It HAD to be a flock of geese!
Clearly we are going to have bad weather because the geese are
flying South early this year!"
He looked at me as though I were an idiot and pointed out that geese
do NOT fly South in August, and, anyway, we ARE South!
I was VERY upset and confused. I went inside and called Freddie. He
was very excited and said that he had just come in and that there
was a message on his answering machine that he wanted me to hear. He
rewound it and played it for me over the phone. Another friend had
called him to describe having seen the EXACT SAME THING, only it had
been seen an hour earlier! The guy was out in his driveway at 10
o'clock to try and see a few meteors, and had been overflown by the
big, black boomerang, with his neighbor as a witness.
I was so upset that I had to go in my bedroom and sit and think. It
was clear to me that, if I could not find a rational explanation for
this thing, there was only ONE thing to think: either they were
REAL, or I had contracted the "Millennial Disease" and was losing my
It was a CERTAINTY that it was NOT a stealth bomber. The newspaper
article had described them pretty thoroughly when the previous flap
The first thing I wanted to know was: did anybody ELSE see it? I
wanted to find others and TALK to them - ask questions - get a
consensus of descriptions. I wanted to know that I was NOT crazy.
So, the next day I called a couple of the local television stations
to inquire if there had been any reports of "strange objects" in the
sky. One woman was very nasty and informed me that there HAD been a
meteor shower. Well, I was NOT talking about lights flashing across
the sky, and I certainly KNEW a meteor from a 300 foot wide black
I received similar treatment from various other media sources I
contacted to try and get some information. I was not comfortable
enough to make a report of my own, so I was really trying to talk
about the subject without even using the term "UFO." In retrospect,
my reluctance to even say it is comical! There didn't seem to be any
information to be obtained until Freddie called and said that the
weather man on one of the television stations had mentioned that one
of the "community weather observers" had reported several "flocks of
geese" the previous night. Since I had tried to explain it to myself
in these same terms, I thought that this might be a "hit." But that
was all I was going to get from the "standard" sources.
I was frustrated at being "blown off" and treated like an idiot. I
remembered that there was an organization where one made reports of
such things: MUFON. Maybe they would know. I looked in the back of
one of Freddie's books and found the phone number and called. I was
given a local number, and called it. It was an answering machine
that announced the director was going to be on vacation for the next
two weeks, so I hesitated, but finally left my name and number and
the fact that I wanted some information about a "possible UFO
It was well into September before anyone called me back and the guy
apologized for taking so long. He suggested that, since the monthly
meeting was the next day, perhaps I would come and give the report
in person. I didn't know about THAT! I was not ready to hang out
with geeks who believed in little green men and who probably wore
plastic pocket protectors, coke-bottle glasses, and kept Mad
Magazine rolled up in their back pockets! I mean, GET REAL!
The next day, the day of the MUFON meeting, I was NOT going to go. I
was going to drop the whole subject. But, as the clock rolled
around, the kids disappeared to various activities, the baby went
off with her dad, and I was left at home alone. Surprisingly, my
usual state of exhaustion was at a minimum and, with nothing to do I
thought that maybe, JUST MAYBE, I would go and check this MUFON
bunch out. It it was creepy, or if I became too tired, I could
always come right home.
So, I went. I was surprised. There were no geeks. Not even a single
pocket protector. And, these folks were certainly too old for Mad
A discussion was in process and I listened for an hour or so until a
break was called. I was amazed at how EXTREMELY intelligent these
folks were! More so than average, in my opinion. And certainly
brighter than the run-of-the-mill "New Age Groupie."
At the break, I was asked to sign a guest sheet, and the director
recognized my name and asked me to talk about my sighting.
As I began to talk, the door opened (this was a public meeting room
in a local library) and a big, bearded man came in. Everyone stopped
while he got seated and the director introduced him to me. I was
surprised at his name, which is an unusual Welsh one that happened
to be my grandfather's middle name and had been his mother's maiden
name. I went on with my little story and there were all sorts of
questions asked. I made a drawing on a blackboard and that was that.
The gentleman who had arrived late was, apparently, well-known by
the group as an "expert" which interested me as much as his name. He
was apparently scheduled to speak and talked at length about
theories of Zecharia Sitchin. I was intrigued by the historical
connections to UFO sightings, though I discounted the precise
interpretation put on the Sumerian writings by Dr. Sitchin.
At the end of the meeting, I asked this gentleman where he came from
and told him that his name was also in my family and he recognized
my grandfather's name and told me that his father had been the
younger brother of my great-grandmother. The only reason I had never
known of him or met him was because there was a "religious" schism
in the family. My branch abandoned the Baptist church and became
Methodist. This was a HUGE scandal in those days, and the families
broke off contact, particularly since they were all in the ministry.
(What an ironic comment!)
So, having found a "long-lost-cousin-UFO-expert," we decided to have
lunch. After lunch, we exchanged phone numbers and he promised to
call and visit and continue our discussion. It was completely
strange to meet this man who was almost an exact, male version of
myself! (Physically) And, he was WONDERFULLY intelligent,
articulate, informed, and clearly a scholar.
I decided that it would be nice for him to join Freddie and I for
our weekly discussions.
Meanwhile, a most disturbing thing was happening. My physical
condition, instead of getting better, had gotten worse from the
first night in the pool. I visited several doctors and the consensus
was that I was suffering allergies which exacerbated my already
compromised cardio-pulmonary system. It was decided that I must have
reached a sort of "critical mass" of allergen exposure on the night
of the UFO over the pool. I had some relief from benadryl, but that
was no solution. My body simply did not seem to be able to handle
the toxins anymore.
I was constantly sick. I had a terrible rashes, welts, and all the
mucous membranes of my body kept swelling to the point that my
throat and nose would almost shut completely. The underside of my
eyelids were so irritated that they oozed yellowish, sticky fluids
constantly which made it difficult to see and my ears itched deep
inside which nearly drove me crazy.
On top of all this, I would have "attacks" which began with a severe
nausea and then I felt as though a fencepost had been driven through
my chest and I would become unable to move. My breathing was labored
and painful and I would break out in a cold sweat. The funny thing
was that the symptoms were worse at night, starting at about 11:00
p.m. I reasoned that this must be the time of "critical mass" of the
day's exposure to whatever allergen was active at the moment.
The doctor wanted to examine me in this "state," but an even more
bizarre thing was that on the several occasions that my husband took
me to the emergency room, the symptoms would cease as suddenly as
they had started and the physicians were unable to get a handle on
I refused to check myself into the hospital for extended tests
because, by now, I was thoroughly frightened at what was happening
to me. When the nurse came to me with the papers to sign for
admission, pushing a cart with an IV set-up on it, a voice clearly
told me that if I allowed her to put that needle in my arm, it would
be used to kill me! I felt like the most ungrateful and
reprehensible of criminals when I declined to sign the admission
form and said that I was NOT going to stay in the hospital. The
doctors and nurses pleaded with me and gave dire warnings that I
could die, but I was resolute, signed a release of liability, and
But, no matter what was tried, I was NOT getting relief. I kept
going every day and doing what I could, but I reduced my schedule to
a bare minimum. I would rest all day on the days Freddie and I "sat
for the contact," and often he and my cousin would come to visit and
talk while I was unable to stand at all. I was so weak sometimes
that I could barely lift my head. But, I could think and talk, and
these visits gave me something to look forward to.
As my body deteriorated, my mind grew sharper and clearer. Among the
many things we discussed were certain events of my life that, until
the advent of the "alien interference" theory, had been completely
inexplicable. Then, the lists of synchronicities were discussed in
minute detail, (I have omitted a LOT of this material here for
brevity) and a sort of consensus was drawn among us that, clearly,
some ONE or some THING was trying to get my attention.
I did NOT like such a connotation. In the first place, I had studied
too much, seen too much, and worked with too many troubled people to
not understand the dangers of ego. When anyone starts to think they
are "special," it CAN be a warning! Endless numbers of deluded
people inhabit psychiatric wards lost in "magical thinking."
And, we had this problem of these aliens.
And if I was supposed to DO something, they had certainly
picked the wrong person because it was pretty clear that I was NOT
going to live a lot.
This UFO business had another effect on me: I was grieving. I was
mourning all the years I had spent studying and digging for answers
and all the time I had spent putting those answers together, only to
have it all trashed in one night by a stupid black boomerang for
which existence, no rational explanation could be found.
It was a really pity party! I was crying inside over all the years I
had shoved dreadful events of my life under the rug, refusing to
look at them because they were SO bizarre and horrible, and now I
was seeing the "signature" of some malevolent intelligence that was
NOT unique to me and my experiences. If these beings, who, in my
mind, were CLEARLY EVIL, had the power to interfere in my life to
such an extent, even (and MOST OFTEN) during the times when I was
deeply involved with prayer and meditation, what protection did
ANYONE have? Were we, the human race, defenseless against these
I prayed for days. Finally I said:
"Okay God, if you exist, and if
you are, in fact, a loving Father in ANY sense, and there IS
something going on here that is supposed to get my attention, would
you kindly help me to understand WHAT? And, if you expect me to DO
anything about it... well, you are going to have to fix me up here
because I am almost dead... and I WILL be dead soon. I can't suffer
like this much longer. If you will show me the path, I will try to
At this point the miracles began to happen. Through a series of
strange coincidences, within a week after saying this prayer, I
found Reiki; and began to recover physically in ways that simply
cannot be imagined. But, that is another story in and of itself.
Just to make the point, however, I will mention that I was so
overjoyed on the day that I was able to both wash dishes AND load
and unload my dryer without collapsing from pain and exhaustion!
With my rapidly improving physical condition, I was gradually able
to resume seeing clients and to study and do research. My knowledge
of the alien situation expanded exponentially. I was reading
everything I could get my hands on through mass market sources as
well as black market. And for some strange reason, alien "abductees"
were crawling out of the woodwork every time I turned around. I
wasn't getting calls for stress reduction or childhood trauma or
even past life regression anymore; it was all abductees! And just
about every one of them was in a state of panic that needed
Over and over again I was applying the Baldwin techniques of Spirit
Release in conjunction with the trauma abreaction processes that
were necessary with abductees who were clearly suffering very
serious Post Traumatic Stress. The SRT was having a very positive
and healing effect in many cases, and it was part of my therapy to
advise the client to cease any and all "metaphysical" activities -
to close those doors and keep them closed until they had their
strength back. Those who did, improved. Those who didn't - or
couldn't, did not.
And, as I studied, the question inside me grew larger and larger. I
had a TON of data, but it was so confusing that I despaired of ever
making any sense of it at all.
Freddie and I had watched several "informative" videos about
Al Bielek and Bob Lazar and so on, and we were sitting at the table
with the board one night casually discussing them. There was a plate
of cookies covering half of the board, and we were sipping coffee
and dunking our cookies in it. I was puzzling over the statement of
Bob Lazar that the aliens purportedly refer to humans as
I didn't think that the usual explanation of "container for the
soul" was quite what was meant. This was rather a deep puzzle to me
and I felt like there was an answer somewhere on the edge of my
mind, but I just couldn't quite get to it.
We were just sitting there with our fingers lightly on the
planchette, the "question" inside me growing larger and larger, when
we heard three loud "claps" of "thunder" right over the house -
actually, it was more like the house being struck with a giant
hammer because it shook and "boomed" VERY nearby. It startled us and
we ran outside to look up and see if a plane had exploded overhead.
The sky was completely clear; moon shining, stars twinkling. So, we
went back and sat down with our coffee and cookies at the table.
After a few minutes, we put our fingers back on the planchette and
resumed the "process" of just sitting and chatting. But, a funny
pinching feeling and a tingle started at the back of my head that
ran down my arm and the planchette began to move slowly in a spiral;
spiral in and spiral out.
We did the normal thing and asked "is anyone with us?"
And, that was "first contact" with the Sixth Density Beings of Light
who transmit through the radio source in Cassiopeia - thus, the
It was very weak at first, but still had the unique quality of
coherence and, finally, an entity who could SPELL correctly and did
not wander around the board!!! Purpose of movement; economy of
verbiage was clear from the VERY start.
But, unfortunately, we were not taping and we did not know if it was
a fluke or not. So, we only have notes from the early sessions.
After a couple of weeks of repeated contact and apparent
strengthening of the communication, I bought a special tape recorder
to tape the sessions.
I began to take the experiment more seriously!
Now, this event, the Coming of the Cassiopaeans, occurred 11 months
to the day after the sighting of the black boomerang over my pool.
From August 16, 1993 until July 16, 1994. This number and dates were
later to prove significant in a number of mysterious ways.
Some people have suggested that the extreme "allergy" symptoms that
I suffered were "radiation poisoning," resulting from the close
passage of the overhead black boomerang shaped craft, but I can't
say for sure. I do know one distressing thing about this UFO: within
3 months of the sighting, my prize Collie, Dannyboy died. He had
started to just waste away immediately following the UFO sighting in
August and died on November 13th. The vet was as baffled as I was by
this and all efforts to discover the cause of his illness had been
made to no avail.
I suppose that the emotional "intensity" of our "call" had increased
after these events because I was so distressed by them and really
was ASKING the universe for some answers! Whether this can play a
part in such things I can't say, I only mention it in passing.
The Cassiopaeans have things to say that do NOT generally mesh with
what is given by the weekly "channel o'choice" as my friend Blue
Resonant Human AKA Density4, describes them. And, it is interesting
that several of the issues from the very first sessions in 1994 have
become rather more "publicized" by the work of other researchers in
the years since.
But there have been a number of notable results of this
"superluminal" communication with "ourselves in the future."
When my son, who is now 16, was born, he exhibited some peculiarly
"adult" terrors and reactions to a number of things. I will not
describe every detail, but, being involved in the work I have been
for most of my adult life, I knew that this kid had something
strange going on.
As I have already noted, even as a hypnotherapist I can't say that I
ever actually "believed" in reincarnation. I used to tell people
that I "believe in nothing, I just assign probabilities." As I have
already said, I used past life therapy in my work because it WORKED,
and not because I believed in it.
I will repeat that, from my point of view, if a person had to make
up an elaborate past life scenario in their subconscious mind to
escape from a labyrinth of emotional torment, fine with me!
When my son was old enough to start talking, he would tell me about
his secret friend, "Janie," and his black dog "Sam," and his
brothers. He is the only boy with four sisters.
One day when he was still in diapers, a big military transport plane
flew overhead rather low and he began to jump up and down in
excitement and point at it and informed me that he could fly such a
plane! That this is what he "used to do in the war!"
Not long after this, he developed asthma in a BIG way -
hospitalizations almost every week, drugs, oxygen, nebulizers, etc.
He also began to have very bad nightmares. Soon, this very
physically perfect child exhibited some problems running - he was
dragging his left leg. The doctor said "Osgood Slaughter's disease."
I would see my son sitting on the ground in the shade while other
kids were playing, and I would ask him why he wasn't playing and he
answered that his "back hurts."
Naturally, I took him to numerous specialists, all of whom said
that, except for the so-called "Osgood etc" and the asthma, he was
The nightmares increased and I was at my wit's end. When he turned
nine, I decided that it was time to do a session. I had done all I
could in the "accepted" ways; I needed the cavalry to come in.
I made the general and usual (for me) suggestion that he should "go
to the point in space/time when problem began and describe to me
what he is experiencing."
He launched into a terrifying description of being at the helm of an
airplane and being shot down. It was so traumatic that I immediately
took him away from direct experience and had him view it on a
"screen" at a distance. (This works for getting details where there
is a lot of emotion involved).
The trauma was quite intense and I decided that it would be better
to work on this one a little at a time, so we just dealt with part
of the experience and I gave some "feel good" suggestions, and
"healing" suggestions and that was that. This had been about three
years before the Cassiopaean contact, and he DID have considerable
relief from the asthma and nightmares, so we decided to just leave
the issue alone for the time being unless and until more symptoms
emerged and became unmanageable.
As a part of the "testing" phase of the contact, I decided to ask
about any past life information for my son. I was the only one
present who knew what he had told me under hypnosis and had never
discussed his childhood remarks with anyone in the room, so I
thought it would be a good test of the source. If the only
information that could be obtained was what was in my mind or my
son's mind, that at least would demonstrate a form of telepathy.
So, I asked the C's about my son's physical problems. Their answer
was "past life death trauma."
I pressed for some details. To make a long story short, they gave a
name, an airplane type, that he was flying a recon mission over
Thailand, and was shot down by a SAM during the Viet Nam war. Then,
they gave the dates of birth and death of the individual. They also
said that in the half minute or so prior to death that my son's leg
had been blown off at the hip, his spine snapped in 17 places, and
he breathed in fire from the exploding missile and that all of these
effects were at the root of his present physical problems. A most
definite "past-life death trauma," as they say.
I really had no idea how to check any of this out, and was also so
busy over the next few months that it slipped from my mind.
A friend read the transcript of this particular session, a Mr. Terry Rodemerk, a computer consultant who had begun to attend our
channeling sessions regularly, and he asked me if I had ever
checked out the name and dates. I told him no, and he asked if he
might do so. Sure!
A few weeks later he produced a piece of paper on which was written
the name, rank, place and date of birth and date of death of this
very same name the C's had given. He had gotten this information
from the Viet Nam War Memorial Website. And it matched!
I was astonished, especially since the hometown of this individual
was only about 150 miles from our home. Still, I did nothing. I
mean, what do you do? Try to find a relative and call them and say
"I think my son is your dead, departed, husband, father, brother or
New Year's came and I was clearing my desk and found the slip of
paper. I wondered if there was anyway to confirm the MODE of death -
i.e. the SAM - as an actual fact. So, I got the idea that it might
have been written up in the news of that small town.
I called the newspaper there and inquired. I explained that I wanted
to know how this individual died for a "research project on war
heroes." I was told that the files were so old that they were
archived in boxes in a storage building. But, the woman suggested
that I call the library, as they might have such copies that go that
I called the library. There wasn't much. The librarian found the
name and dates of death and the little bit of information about
where the burial took place and which funeral home handled the
arrangements. All this was listed in the genealogy section. She then
mentioned that "Oh, that funeral home is still in business. Maybe
they would have a copy of the article." (Thank God for small towns.)
She gave me the number of the funeral home and I called. A woman
answered and I made my inquiry as to whether they would have a copy
of the news article about the death of this named person. She asked
me to wait a minute, and in a few seconds, a man's voice came on and
asked me WHY I wanted this information and WHO was it that wanted to
Well, I had not prepared a real story because I never imagined that
I would be asked such a question. I did have sense enough to not
mention anything about channeling, just that my son gave
information about a former life which indicated that he might have
been this person, and I mentioned that he had talked about his
plane, his dog and brothers, and that he had been shot down by a SAM
The man said "My God! I can't believe this!" He proceeded to tell me
that he had been a friend of the deceased and had also handled his
funeral and that there were LIVING relatives with whom he was still
in contact, and would I mind if he called them and told them?
Well, this was getting a little out of hand and I didn't really know
what to say, but I suggested that he should be cautious in such a
thing. He said: "I talk to his sister often and she is VERY open
minded!" He then faxed me a copy of the news article which said that
Captain K had crashed on take-off on a routine flight. This
information was disappointing to me because the Cassiopaeans had
said that a SAM had been responsible and my son had said under
hypnosis that he had been shot down by a missile. But, just finding
that the person actually existed, even if the details were not
exactly correct was interesting, so I reserved judgment on that
discrepancy for the moment.
An hour later my phone rang and a woman's voice said: "I am Capt.
Well, it was a funny conversation, but we agreed that we must meet.
There had been a journalist deeply involved in our lives for some
time because he had heard me speak at a MUFON meeting and was
interested in my story, and he DEFINITELY wanted to go on this
Arrangements were confirmed, and we made the trip. When we were all
sitting together in the sister's living room, with assorted other
relatives gathered around, the sister, Ruth, asked Jason some
questions. He told her about his "secret friend, Janie" and his
memory of having brothers, and the dog, Sam.
Ruth produced a greeting card from a box of mementos and handed it
to him. It was written to "Dear Janie..." and it turned out that the
deceased's secret, pet name for this sister, Ruth, had been "Janie."
Next, she produced a photograph of the deceased with his 4 brothers,
him holding the big, black, dog "Sam."
But, the REAL surprise came a little later when the funeral director
friend arrived to see my son. In front of all of us there he said:
(And I am paraphrasing a little, but it is really burned in my
memory, so will be pretty accurate.)
"I have been carrying a secret for
25 years and I am going to tell it to you all now. I guess it
doesn't matter anymore. When K's body arrived here with the
military escort, I drove out to the airport to pick him up. I
was a reservist at the time and went in uniform. I noticed that
the casket was sealed, and I asked the escort if I could open it
to prepare him for viewing. The guy told me I had better not
because he was in BAD shape having been in the jungle for awhile
before he was found.
I mentioned that the report was that
he crashed on take-off so why should it have taken so long to
find him? The escort told me: 'what I am going to tell you is
between you and me, and if you ever repeat it, I will call you a
liar. He was flying recon over Thailand and got shot down by a
SAM. It took us two weeks to find him. You DON'T want to open
Needless to say, ALL of us were silent
for some minutes at this revelation. Then, the sister, Ruth, began
to cry because she said: "All those years they blamed it on pilot
error, that K crashed on take off and he DIDN'T! It wasn't his
So, the Cassiopaeans were vindicated. And there is an interesting
sidepiece to this: when my son was under hypnosis, just before the
missile hit, he said: "My God! It's one of ours!" I had no idea what
this meant until after these events when I began to think about it
As I understand it, the U.S. Government was not supposed to be
violating Thai airspace. Captain K was flying his last mission
before his tour of duty was up. Could it be possible that his own
government shot him down to conceal espionage activities?
There was a funny result of this series of incidents. I had to
change my mind again. I now assigned a 98% probability to
And, as an aside, I understand that the sister of Captain K, Ruth,
has written to her congressman to get his help un unsealing the
records of this tragedy in order to clear her brother's name of this
"blemish" on his record.
Naturally, I didn't expect such an outcome, but it is interesting to
conjecture what might happen if a lot of folks overcome the
"programming" of our society and begin to open up their "past life"
memories. Governments might be more careful in how they act if they
realized that their actions could be exposed in such a "timely"
manner with full karmic implications!
What goes around, comes around!
During all of these events, there was a constant growing
estrangement between me and my husband who was completely skeptical
about any "phenomena," even that which he had witnessed; and there
was absolutely no support given to me in my struggles to understand
what was happening to my clients and to me. He was contemptuous of
my dedication to help all of this suffering - to find answers for
all of us.
His answer was to dive back into his religion and read
the Bible desperately whenever any questions came up for which there
were no answers. He wasn't finding any answers in the Bible, he was
just using it as a crutch to block out any thinking of his own.
Every mystery was reduced to the formula: "it is God's will that we
not understand these things; He works in mysterious ways and all we
have to do is believe in His benevolence!"
December came and I was making Christmas preparations. I remember
sitting at the kitchen table, covered with dustings of flour from my
baking, my girls helping me, and such a happy family "scene" all
around me. The kids didn't know how it was between their father and
me, and I was resolved to keep it from them. They deserved happiness
and stability. And, I was trying in every way to make my husband
happy as well, short of giving up my mind and my work. I worked very
hard so that nothing I did would interfere in the normal events of
our lives so he would have nothing to complain about. But, the more
I tried to juggle everything, the more demanding he became so that
it was harder and harder to manage it without some sort of scene
So, there I was in my kitchen, baking Christmas goodies with my
children, and feeling utterly devastated that I could not feel the
happiness that I was working so hard to create around me. The radio
was playing and a haunting song began to play..."When I dream, I
dream of you; maybe someday you will come true..." and I broke down
and began to cry.
All the dreams of "Him" came flooding back and I wondered if He was
somewhere on the planet wondering if I was somewhere on the planet.
The children were very concerned with my tears, and I explained that
middle-aged mothers just do that sometimes. Nothing to be concerned
about. And I pushed the thoughts back under the rug and told myself
that I should be overjoyed with what I had and not be such a whiner
and cry-baby for what I didn't have.
In the very earliest days of the contact, the Cassiopaeans began to
urge me to communicate with others via the internet. I was told that
my life would change "suddenly and dramatically" as soon as I began
Cassiopaeans: Suggestion, get on computer net ASAP. When you
network, your entire life will dramatically improve immediately!
So, I upgraded my computer which, up to then had been only a
glorified word processor, and loaded the internet software, opened
an account, and was ready to "rock and roll!"
I logged in for the first time late in the evening on December 23,
On December 24th, I had gone out to get some last minute things for
Christmas. I was planning on getting my dinner started and then I
was going to see a friend in the hospital.
I was waiting to make a left turn onto my street; it was early
evening, sky was still pink; I was watching the oncoming traffic as
well as the rear traffic in the side view mirror (driving my
husband's truck since I had to pick up a large item being held at a
There is a funny blank place in my mind, and the thing I remember is
that the truck began to jerk and jump and bounce around in a crazy
way and my body was snapping back and forth. I flew forward and hit
the steering wheel (even with seatbelt) and snapped backward and hit
the back window of the truck - broke the window and my head and
The fellow who hit me, who I NEVER SAW, claimed that I WAS NOT
THERE! Fortunately, he was insured to the MAX!
So, indeed, my life changed suddenly and dramatically. Though the
damage was minimal, the prognosis was unclear and it was true that,
for the time being, in some ways, I was virtually a cripple.
I complained mightily to the C's. They told me that I was a
"whippersnapper" and made other vague remarks about things "falling
into place." I was furious with them!
One night not very long after the accident they commented: "You must
network tonight as there are those who are awaiting your message as
Q: (L) Well, I was promised that my
life would change suddenly and dramatically as soon as I was on
the internet. So, I logged on and had the accident the next day!
A: It is.
Q: (L) My life is changed?
A: Yes. In process.
Neurological damage was moderate and the
fractures had been contained. There did not seem to be permanent
damage to the spinal cord other than swelling and constriction.
This produced all sorts of bizarre and changing symptoms as various
nerves would shift and get the brunt of the pressure. I never knew
what was going to hurt, how bad, how long, or if I would have use of
my hands and arms at all. It changed from day to day.
My left shoulder had been propped in the window and all the rotator
muscles were torn and there was a huge, soft depression in the back
of my head. I lost a huge chunk of my memory and was frequently
unable to swallow or pronounce certain words and I transposed things
when I tried to write.
So, I was pretty miserable. But! Did I let it stop me? No! We still
held the sessions and everyone sort of took care of me for that one
night a week. But, I complained to the C's all along.
Q: (L) Well, I am so sick that I am
ready to throw in the towel.
A: Throw in the towel?!? It's too late!! And besides, your life
will dramatically improve if you persevere, as we have told you.
Q: (L) You say that if I just persevere that my life will
improve dramatically and immediately. So, when you say this, do
you mean really sudden and in a big way?
Q: (L) Are you going to give me any clues on this?
On March 4, 1995, the Cassiopaeans said "hello" in a funny way:
Q: (T) Good evening.
Q: (L) Is the luck with us at this time?
A: Yes. Not yet. Try not to second guess what we mean.
Q: (L) What does the term "luck" refer to?
Well, that was puzzling enough, but as
we got into our questions for the evening, the C's seemed to have an
agenda of their own... there was something they wanted to say:
A: Enough said, remember, you have
been learning slowly that personal issues hold minor
significance. Terry's dream was significant, however!!!!! Susan
too!! And Fred has been sent same message as well.
Q: (T) Okay. We are missing a key topic or issue, here.
A: 4th level STO! You have only thought of 4th level STS.
Q: (L) Ahhh! What Susan was talking about earlier, we need to
ask about the good guys!
A: They are the only ones who can help you defend yourselves
against 4th level attack!!!! We give you information which is
invaluable in nature, but remember we are 6th level STO, Beings
of light, and on this density level there simply is no
interference with free will no matter how detrimental to you!!!
Q: (T) 4th density STO beings can actually help in a meaningful
way! We knew there was both sides, but we never asked. We have
been concentrating on the Lizards. There are supposed to be 16
groups on each side, and we have never asked... Who are these
4th density STO beings that we need to contact?
A: Orion Federation. You have asked us to protect you, it is
important for you to understand that we are beyond that!
Q: (L) We understand that.
(T) We understand that you, at 6th
density, can't interfere with free will on either side. But, the
A: First, incorrect thought patterns which have become imbedded
must be purged before you can move onto next subject.
Q: (T) What are the incorrect thought patterns?
A: That we protect directly.
Q: (T) Well, you said that Knowledge protects. You have been
Q: (J) They are not really giving it to us, they are helping us
to draw it out of ourselves.
A: We are providing invaluable information which becomes
knowledge, but you are under attack, therefore, you could maybe
use some direct power from the same density as the attack is
Q: (L) Okay, what is the phone number of the Orion Federation?
(S) Laura! (T) That's what I was going to ask. [Laughter.]
How do we get a hold of them?
A: Off the hook!
Q: (T) Uh oh!
(L) They're busy?
(T) Getting a lot of calls. (
Okay, guys, what do we need to do here?
A: Find a "Nordic." They are on Earth posing as humans.
Q: (T) They are 4th density. I thought they...
Q: (T) I thought that 4th density couldn't hold the frequency
that long and that is why the Lizards have so much trouble.
A: Not STO!
Q: (T) Very good, Jan hit it as they said it. The STS can't
stay, only the STO.
Q: (T) So, we need to find a Nordic, do we know one?
A: Have seen them at meetings and such.
Q: (L) What kind of meetings.
A: MUFON. Discover, remember these are among your protectors and
Laura and Freddie know what level one attack is like, Terry, Jan
and Susan are perilously close to finding out!
Well, this was very curious information,
and the connection to MUFON made us curious. Terry and Jan, members
of our group, were active in MUFON and, because of this, I had been
invited the previous month to the MUFON meeting in St. Petersburg to
tell about my sighting.
In the audience had been a journalist for a local newspaper who
asked to interview me later, and I had agreed. I wondered about this
"contact." And, as a result of THAT particular MUFON meeting, we
were invited to give a demonstration of the "communication"
technique at a different MUFON venue the following month.
In the audience at both of these meetings, was a physicist, Dr.
Ruggero Santilli, who was very open-minded and curious as to the
"limits" of information that might be accessed through the
Cassiopaeans. We invited him to a session and it was an exciting
evening at the end of which I had the strangest feeling that there
were "ramifications." That session opened a door to discussing
subjects in the realms of science and technology that we might not
have approached otherwise.
Little did I know then that the term "Luck" combined with the
material delivered during the session attended by Dr. Santilli, a
contact made at a MUFON meeting, was going to have such far reaching
implications in my life!
My "accident" therapy progressed slowly. I was not getting much
relief and a strange thing was noted on one of my x-rays so I was
sent to a neurologist who ordered MRI's.
On the night before I was scheduled to have these films made, I
awakened choking and gagging, in horrible pain. I felt as though my
tongue had been torn out by the roots and I was strangling on the
blood. I thought I must have bitten my tongue in my sleep. I ran to
the bathroom and was spitting out blood. I examined my throat, and
it was torn, red and swollen way back beyond my teeth on one side.
There was no way I could have bitten myself there!
My jaws stayed swollen for over a week and I had difficulty eating
and talking. When I tried to wake my husband up to help me, I was
unable to rouse him, and he had ALWAYS been a light sleeper. This
disturbed me very much.
About a month after the MRIs were done, they were to be sent to a
neurosurgeon, but they had "disappeared," and all the efforts of two
doctor's staffs as well as the staff at the medical center where
they were taken, were unable to produce them.
It was a big mystery. The staff at the hospital were so upset that
they undertook to do hand searches in relays to try and find them.
They were under a LOT of pressure to find them because, otherwise,
they had to do them over again without charge, and it was a very
Finally, the neuro-surgeon was getting pretty demanding about
getting these films, and the MRI staff admitted defeat. I was
scheduled to come in to have another set made.
The night before the new pictures, I awakened to find myself being
floated out of bed by 3 or 4 spidery creatures who had me by the
ankle and were "pulling" on me.
I was struggling and resisting and apparently had been doing so even
in while asleep because I found that my paralyzed arm was extended
up over my head and was locked on the brass headboard in a "death-grip"
and the bed was shaking and bouncing with the efforts of my
resistance. It was virtually a tug of war and I wasn't going to let
I looked at them and the creepy little spider guys realized that I
had awakened. One of them put its hand on my head and I felt a
paralysis coming over me. I became very angry. I wanted to curse
them. But it was impossible to resist this paralysis and that made
me even madder! I was determined that, even if they had technology
that could overcome all of my efforts of resistance, that at least I
would give them a piece of my mind! I was going to have my say!
With enormous concentration, I was able to utter a strangled sound.
It was not the defiant curse I was working on in my head, but it was
progress against the "frozen" sensation of my entire body. And, it
had a startling effect! As soon as I uttered this incomprehensible,
cave person type sound, , they dropped me like a hot potato and
began sort of flitting and chattering like a nest of birds with a
cat climbing the tree. They huddled together and sort of melted into
a "shimmery" curtain thing alongside my bed. It was much like the
mirage effect one sees on the road ahead when driving on a hot day.
My heart was pounding from real exertion. I can't say that I was
terrified because such a thing is beyond terror. And, I have always
been a person who acts cleanly and efficiently in a crisis, so this
was no different in that respect. And, it was useful that I had the
information from the Cassiopaeans because that certainly had a lot
to do with not feeling terrified which is more often a reaction to
The thing that upset me was, I couldn't figure out how my ex-husband
could have slept through all of that rather violent struggle! At one
point, while I was fighting them, while the bed was bouncing and
jerking, I was very conscious that it was not waking my husband up
even with me screaming at him mentally for help.
After the creatures melted away, I turned over and worked at peeling
my paralyzed hand away from the headboard. As I did so, I was
startled to see three distinct, wave-like shudders pass through my
husband's body starting from the head and moving down. After the
third one, he took a deep breath, and began to snore.
I realized that what was troubling me was that he was not moving at
all, not even to breathe! It struck me that he had been "turned off"
in order to prevent his intervention! That he COULD be turned off
scared me half to death! I had NO protection at all! Not only that,
when I tried to tell him what had happened, he thought I was
imagining it. I can assure you, it was NOT imagination!
I got out of the bed and sat up the rest of the night in a recliner,
thinking and smoking. Early in the morning, the girl from the test
center called to tell me (in a shaking voice) that when she had come
in that morning, my file with all films intact, was on the reception
desk. No one admitted to finding it and placing it there, and she
had been the first in the office that morning and had unlocked the
doors herself. It was a mystery that has never been explained.
Shortly after this, I asked the Cassiopaens about this experience.
(The full session can be read in
the "Abduction" series.)
The closing remarks of the Cassiopaeans in this discussion were:
"Well this is a question best left
for your own exploration as you will gain more knowledge by
contemplating it by yourself rather than seeking the answers
here. But a suggestion is to be made that you do that as you
will gain much, very much knowledge by contemplating these very
questions on your own and networking with others as you do so.
Be not frustrated for the answers to be gained through your own
contemplation will be truly illuminating to you and the
experience to follow will be worth a thousand lifetimes of
pleasure and joy."
Suffice it to say that I was in constant pain and it seemed that the
more pain I suffered, the more my husband did to drive me completely
into a flaming fury. He knew that when I was under stress that my
muscles contracted and it hurt even more!!! I would spend 3 hours in
therapy and almost feel alive, come home, and in 10 minutes be in a
cold sweat from the pain. He was a master at it.
Every single thing that he ever had
learned bothered me, irritated me, made me angry or hurt, he said it
or did it. And he did it as though he were completely INNOCENT! The
main thrust of his attacks was the time I was "wasting" with "crazy
people" who thought they had been abducted by "little green men."
And I would get so mad I would practically explode and he would tell
me that I really needed to get counseling myself!
A few months later a young woman called me on the phone and said
that she had heard that I was interested in starting a magazine.
This was true. I was looking for a venue for the increasing volume
of Cassiopaean material and I had mentioned it to a local bookstore
owner who often hosted various speakers and seminars in her store.
The woman on the phone said that she had been publishing a small
"metaphysical" newsletter for over two years and was ready to give
it up and I was welcome to her subscription list and various
accoutrements of her project if I wanted to take it over. We decided
to meet to discuss it.
When we did, it was a funny "trigger" for a variety of things. She
was Jewish and almost immediately began talking to me about her past
life in Nazi Germany and how she had been experimented on by Dr.
Mengele and had died as a result. There was an instant rapport
between us, and she was interested in attending a discussion with
Right after this meeting and before her attendance at a session, I
had another dream. In this dream, I was the bride and was wearing a
wonderful dress with flowers in my hair and there was a limousine
waiting outside to take me to my "wedding." I didn't know who the
groom was, but there were a lot of people around me encouraging me
to "get in the car" and go to "meet the bridegroom." For some
reason, I was filled with happiness and the joy of those around me
was contagious, so, overcoming my hesitations, I went to the car,
got in and was taken to the place of the wedding. I was aware that
the date was a Saturday, and it seemed to be the 14th because
something was said about Friday the 13th.
It turned out to be a big restaurant with a wonderful feast prepared
and waiting. It was all decorated with flowers and streamers
everywhere and many, many people were gathered in a happy and joyful
crowd who cheered me as I got out of the car.
The "Bridegroom" came forward to take my hand and we walked through
the crowds of people to stand in front of a priest-like person who
married us. I was overcome with happiness even though I could not
see the grooms face!
As soon as we were married, the music began to play, and he took me
out onto the middle of the floor where everyone had cleared a space,
and we began to dance. It was like flying and we whirled and spun
and it was happiness such as I had never experienced in my entire
life and I awoke bathed in a sensation of ecstatic joy!
A few days later, my new Jewish friend, RC, came to a session and
several strange remarks were made by the Cassiopaeans. RC wanted to
ask about the feeling of rapport between us but I wanted to get in a
quick question about my dream.
Q: (L) I dreamed the other night
that I got married, and there was a big party, dancing, the
limousine and so on... flowers, happiness. In my dream, I heard a
voice saying that the wedding would be on a Saturday the 14th,
following Friday the 13th, could you tell me anything about this
Q: (RC) What is my relationship to Freddie and Laura from any
past life connections? Did we know each other in Germany?
A: Maybe. Discover.
Q: (L) Now, I was looking at the charts, just to see what kind
of matches there were and it was a lot.
(RC) According to
astrology, that shows a past life connection.
A: Who were you?
Q: (L) You mean me?
Q: (L) I was just German woman...
(RC) I was wondering about
A: But we are still in Germany!
Q: (L) All I know was that I committed suicide, name was Helga,
A: Who was your husband?
Q: (L) I don't know. He was Jewish. Is that what you are getting
A: Okay. Who were your children?
Q: (RC) They asked who were the children. Was I one of your
A: Discover. When we say discover, we mean for you to use your
given talents to learn, not to have us lead you by the hand
every step of the way. If we were to do that, we would cheat you
out of an opportunity to gain knowledge, and more importantly,
understanding. Thus, we would be abridging free will!
It struck me as strange for them to be
directing me to think about this in this way in response to my dream
of getting married. They were not answering my question, but they
were trying to get something across without violating free will.
Then, they said this:
A: We are receiving strong wave
pattern surrounding subject we chose to cover, thus we
interrupted inquiries! Moshe in Israel.
Q: (RC) Who is Moshe in Israel?
A: Moshe is IN Israel.
But we could get no more. They would not
tell us who Moshe was or what the connection was.
The following week, with RC present, another strange series of
remarks were made. I had been doing research on "secret societies"
which included the Rosicrucians, Masons and others, and had ended up
deep in a study of alchemy. The Cassiopaeans had mentioned a "super
secret" group once before, called the "Quorum," and I was "on the
trail." And, we had recently been introduced to the work of
Hudson and his "monoatomic gold."
I was struggling to put the pieces
together and find out just "who was on first."
Q: (L) Okay, square one: Is the
quorum composed of humans who have been alchemists, who are
presently in possession of a substance called "the elixir of
life" and which David Hudson calls "mono-atomic gold?"
A: And much, much more! Mono-atomic gold is but one minor issue
here. Why get lead astray by focusing upon it solely. It would
be akin to focusing on the fact that "Batman" can fly! Is that
the only important thing that "Batman" does in the story? Is it?
Q: (L) Of course not!
(RC) Batman fights crime!
A: What we mean is that alchemy is but one minor piece of the
Q: (L) Okay, I understand. But, understanding the alchemical
connection, and its potential for extending life and opening
certain abilities, makes it more feasible to think of a group
that has been present steadily and consistently for many
thousands of years on earth.
A: They are not the only ones!
Q: (L) Oh! I knew I was opening a can of worms!
A: Let us go to the root. Who, or what made you?
Q: (RC) The Creator.
(L) Prime Creator.
A: How? And who is Prime Creator?
Q: (L) Everything, I guess.
A: You are "Prime Creator."
Q: (RC) We are creators, but we aren't the Prime Creator...
A: Prime Creator Manifests IN you.
Q: (L) Okay, so at the root is Prime Creator.
A: But... who was secondary?
Q: (RC) The Sons of God? The Elohim?
A: Who is that? Remember, your various legends are "seen through
a veil." Here comes a shocker for you... one day, in 4th
density, it will be your descendants mission to carry on the
tradition and assignment of seeding the 3rd density universe,
once you have the adequate knowledge!!!
"In this part of your 3rd and 4th density universe, specifically
your "galaxy" it is the region known as Orion that is the one
and only indigenous home of human type beings... reflect on
this! Indigenous home base, not sole locator. What you are most
in need of review of is the accurate profile of "alien" data.
Q: (RC) I thought that humans originated in Lyra and then a war
broke out there and they ended up in Orion.
A: Lyra is not inhabited. There have been homes in all places,
but some were/are transitory, and some are not. Pay attention to
Orion! This is your ancestral home, and your eventual
destination. Here is the absolutely accurately accurate profile
of Orion to follow: This is the most heavily populated region of
your Milky Way galaxy! This is a region that extends across 3rd
and 4th density space for a distance as vast as the distance
between your locator and it.
There are 3,444 inhabited "worlds"
in this region. Some are planets as you know them. Some are
artificially constructed planetoids. Some are floating space
barges. And some are "satellites." There are primary homes,
traveling stations and incubator laboratories all in 2nd, 3rd
and 4th densities. There are overseer zones in 5th and 6th
densities. Approximately one half is STO and one half is STS.
Together, along with many other colonies, located elsewhere,
this is called, in translation, Orion Federation. Orions created
grays in 5 varieties, as cybergenetic beings, and installed them
on Zeta Reticuli 1, 2, 3, and 4, as well as on 2 planets
orbiting Barnard's Star. The Reptilians also inhabit 6 planets
in the Orion region in 4th density, and are owned by the Orion
STS as slaves, and, in some cases, pets!!! The name "Orion" is
the actual native name, and was brought to earth directly. Study
the legend of the "God" of Orion for parallels."
This was startling information, to say
the least! But, of the things said in this session, the remark about
"Batman" proved to be VERY significant as events progressed.
The night of this session was very strange. After RC and her husband
went home, I went to bed in a strangely excited state. I knew it was
going to be difficult to get to sleep, so I began to practice
meditative breathing exercises to relax myself. Suddenly, I saw a
face right before me! It was as clear and real as if someone had
entered the room! It is difficult to convey to anyone how truly
solid and three-dimensional this face was. I did not know this face,
but it was a man with light hair and glowing eyes and he looked at
me so kindly and lovingly before he vanished like a popping balloon!
I was so startled that I nearly lost my breath altogether, but with
firm effort, I resumed my meditation and soon went to sleep.
The result of these dreams and the vision as well as the remarks
from the Cassiopaens, was the belief that my life was being guided
somehow, and I had only to demonstrate my faith and commitment for
things to work out as they should. I applied this to my relationship
with my husband, and was sure that he was going to undergo some
dramatic change. I had already reached the point where I decided
that he was what he was, and for the sake of the children I would
not let anything bother me anymore.
I would be a good and attentive
wife, do the best I could for the sake of the children, get whatever
satisfaction I could get from my work, my friends and some little
writing and sharing of information, and just not worry about what he
did. A commitment is a promise, and I didn't break my promises. I
was sure God was going to "fix it." I knew that I was essentially
alone. I didn't have a husband; he was as much a lost child as the
children were, and I accepted the responsibility of them all. I
believed this to be the direction the Cassiopaeans were pointing me.
For the most part, I was happy that I had a family to love, and even
if I was not really loved back because my husband was like a
rebellious child teaching my children to rebel along with him and
use me as a doormat, it was a necessary sacrifice, in my mind, and I
committed myself to all of them regardless of how I was treated.
And, we had a plan. A magazine.
Q: (L) You said before, that when we
got things going that everything would improve suddenly and
dramatically, and immediately. We understood that to mean
getting online and also getting the magazine out. Are we going
to be able to do this soon?
A: As soon as needed.
And then we went to Gulf Breeze.
And I had the dream.
It was a UFO conference and Freddie and I went with another
girlfriend of mine. This conference was a funny thing. The
Cassiopaeans had referred to a conference to be held in Gulf Breeze
in the Spring. At this particular point in time, the Gulf Breeze UFO
conference was always held in the fall. We were very puzzled by this
reference, and having no understandable context in which to discuss
it, we dropped it. But, the C's had made a curious remark:
A: Go to Pensacola. Increasing activity in Florida panhandle,
vortex. If you go to Pensacola you will see UFOs of all origins
including yours truly.
As it turned out, at the time of the UFO conference that October,
Florida was under siege from Hurricane Opal, which forced the moving
of the Gulf Breeze conference to Mobile. And, a consequence of this
was that the organizers of the affair decided that Spring would be a
better time for Gulf Breeze! The Gulf Breeze conference was set for
March the following year.
We didn't see any UFOs while there, nor did I consciously see the
C's but, the first night there, I had the dream. In the dream I was
talking to a longtime friend and there were many people around,
coming and going. I felt that I did not belong there, and I was just
starting to leave and was heading for the door when someone came in
who I RECOGNIZED AS HIM, and he blocked my exit, told me he had been
looking everywhere for me, and began to kiss me.
But I couldn't see his face. The kiss, on the other hand, was so
real that I woke up and felt the impression of lips on mine. Then I
went back to sleep. I dreamed I was divorced from my then husband,
and that I was with this other, faceless man who was so completely
different, though I couldn't tell how. My ex-husband tried to
convince me that he had changed and was going to do this and that
and make me happy, but the man came and told him "It's too late.
She's mine. She was mine before you took her away, you hurt her and
abused her and never deserved her, and I have come to take her
At breakfast I told Freddie about the dream and how REAL it was and
how puzzled I was that I should have such a dream just after going
through all the emotional turmoil of acceptance and deciding that I
was NOT going to ever get a divorce.
When I got home from Gulf Breeze, within about 10 days I had another
dream about my husband being paralyzed and the now familiar voice
telling me "He is NOT a real man. He is only half a man. He can
never protect you and the children."
The next day, he was criticizing one of the children in his
sarcastic and demeaning way, and I tried to intervene and make
peace. The discussion became rather heated, as was usual, and I
ended it by saying "let's talk about it some other time" as I
usually did because I didn't think that we should argue in front of
Like a spoiled child who couldn't have his way, he got angry and
left. After the door had slammed, one of my daughters said to me:
"Mom, what is wrong with him? How can you even talk to him? He's not
When she said the words: "he's not like us," I was completely
shocked. I realized a depth of truth to this remark that simply
enveloped me in horror. The other children began to agree and I told
them that they didn't really understand. But, I began to think about
what the children were saying and about my many strange dreams.
So, what was finally happening was that I decided that enough clues
were being heaped on me that maybe I had better re-think things a
little. I did. I listed all the pros and cons in my mind and I saw
that there was almost nothing positive since I now had to put the
kids in the con section. They were as miserable as I was.
I decided that the sooner I took action, the better, so the next day
I asked for a divorce.
This led to another strange incident. When I asked for divorce, all
the "nastiness" I had been treated to for so many years turned into a
"poor, pitiful me" scenario. My husband became so woebegone and
pathetic that it was the hardest thing I ever did to keep my
resolve. He asked for a few days "grace" to find a place to move,
and throughout those few days, I could tell that he was "working" on
me to change my mind. I was weakening and all the arguments began to
rage inside me again. He wasn't even gone yet, and I was feeling
cast adrift and alone! (Of course, I was forgetting that, even when
he was there I was alone! It's funny how the mind works in these
situations.) It was clear that I was "weakening."
On about the second of the "grace days," I was going to the kitchen
at night to get a drink. He was sleeping on the sofa in the play
room which I had to pass on my way to the kitchen. I heard a voice,
and paused by the door in the dark to listen. As I did, the hair
began to prickle on my neck and arms. My ex-husband, to whom I had
been married for almost 20 years, was talking in his sleep. He had
NEVER, EVER talked in his sleep.
I crept closer to listen. He was having a conversation with
someone... all I could hear was his "side" of the dialogue, but it
was chilling in its implications. He was saying things like:
understand. I made a mistake. Please, don't punish me! I will fix
it! I can do it. No, I won't fail again. Yes. I will do it. You can
depend on me. I'm sorry. Forgive me." and so on.
His voice and
demeanor reminded me of the several "minor demons" I had exorcised
in my practice as a hypnotherapist. They always become such whiners
and beggars when someone is "on to" them. A good comparison is the
obsequious manner of Renfield in the Dracula movie
I don't know who he was talking to, but there was such an air of
evil emanating from him, I practically fell over backward trying to
The next day, I demanded that he take no more time making
"arrangements," and that he leave immediately. I had to threaten him
with the police to get him to go, but I was terrified to have him in
the house one more night.
Even so, I will say that there was some terrible sort of psychic
pain that went with actually asking for a divorce and really meaning
it. It wasn't love or a broken heart - it was something different...
it almost seems that it was generated by some frequency that had
nothing to do with me. It actually hurt physically. It was like
hooks had been buried in my flesh and the removal took chunks of
meat with it.
And, of course, now I know that it was the illusion I held onto for
so long that was being ripped away and shattered. I was coming to
the hard realization that the person I thought I was married to did
not even exist - except in my imagination! All of the sterling
qualities and deep connections that I had thought existed in my
husband and marriage were simply figments of my imagination.
Of course, it was ALWAYS evident, only I chose not to see it! When
he behaved in ways contrary to my illusion, I excused it and swept
it under the rug and made excuses for it because he was "not
himself" because he was "under pressure" or "wounded" and that I
needed to change something about myself to elicit his "true" self in
all its glory!
If I could just be more patient, more understanding, more loving,
more something or other - then I could DO something to fix
everything, and he would blossom into the person who I believed he
WAS inside and would be emotionally loving and supportive and
understanding and so on. He was just "wounded" and it was my job to
"fix him!" It was my job to compensate for all the hurts that had
taken away his ability to "be himself!"
What I was having to face was the fact that he was not, and NEVER
had been, ANY of those things! What I saw and experienced in my life
with him was what he WAS! It was that simple.
At this point, my friend Sandra, who was a major support to me and
who kept reminding me to "make a list of why I wanted a divorce and
to read it every day when I felt lonely or weak," died suddenly.
She had suffered cardiac arrest in her office and it was over 20
minutes before the EMTs got there. She was revived and was on life
support for a while, but it was clear that she was dead
nevertheless. I was on my own because it was clear that everyone
thought we had the perfect marriage and I was "out of my mind" to be
divorcing such a good Christian man!
I was like a zombie all through April and May. I simply did not want
to live. To face the realization that one's beliefs could be so in
error was terrifying. My very self had been identified by those
beliefs and when they shattered, I had no place to stand, nothing to
believe in! If I was completely in error about the most important
relationship of my life, how could I know that ANYTHING I believed
had any foundation in fact whatsoever?
For several weeks I was disoriented, feeling like I was adrift in a
black, formless void from which there was no escape. I felt as
though I were dying.
I had spent so many years believing in my role and my illusions that
I didn't recognize the person thinking the unfamiliar thoughts in my
mind. I felt certain I was about to die. A shrink would probably
describe my experience as an identity crisis; can't say I'd
disagree. In fact, I DID go to a psychiatrist and tried to explain
to him all the strange things that had been happening in my life. He
"Mrs. Martin, it is clear to me that you are a person who,
when you discover a problem, immediately set about solving it. This
is healthy. However, it could also be said that denial is also a
healthy coping mechanism. There are just certain things in
everyone's life that need to be cordoned off. They are mysteries and
we cannot solve them. So, we need to focus our energy on those
things about which we have knowledge and which we can solve. I am
afraid I cannot help you to solve these mysteries and you don't need
therapy to solve your problems as you clearly are able to do that
yourself. You are healthy and have good coping responses. You just
need to decide what you can cope with and what you can't."
So much for psychiatrists!
In any event, in this process I learned something about beliefs and
identity. My world, like everyone else's is fabricated from beliefs.
Since birth, I've viewed all my experiences through a sort of
distorted telescope of a set of beliefs about roles and
relationships and good and evil. Now I was being forced to see that
things I had always believed were good, may not necessarily have
been so, and things I had always thought were evil, could, in fact,
I knew that my "giving" to my husband had fueled his descent into
unbelievably concentrated selfishness and a lack of initiative to
make anything work from his own will or effort. By being the one who
always saved him from himself, he had come to believe that he was
"owed" this from me and simply could not believe it when his crutch
was removed. He had been weak and manipulative to begin with, and I
had been taken in. He had lived on my energy for years, and had
therefore not been required to build any strength of his own. He was
like a child who had been carried all his life and who was getting
heavier and heavier, and now, that no one could carry him any
longer, he couldn't walk on his own.
I realized that I had thought I was doing "good," but in fact, what
I had done was very bad. And I had done it out of my own weakness -
my need to be loved. We had both been living a lie.
These lenses of belief always add distortion to the reality passing
through them and accepting the reality as it WAS caused my world
view to crumble and disappear, leaving nowhere for the "I" that
lived in that world-view to exist.
My old beliefs created a reality in which "I" experienced
everything, and in that way, it created my identity. I WAS my
beliefs. I believed that love could change anything, that sacrifice
and turning the "other cheek" were the answers to all the slings and
arrows of misfortune. And it clearly was not so. Clearly the energy
of loving and giving was being used to "feed" some sort of monstrous
predator that manipulated human beings in ways that were so subtle
as to be almost undetectable.
Anything entering my reality that had challenged my beliefs, was a
challenge to my very existence and I had expended vast amounts of
energy shoving things under the rug and lying to myself about what
effects my efforts were or were not having. Survival of my identity
required that any awareness of such things be either prevented or
rationalized away as distortion.
So now I was faced with a fundamental change in my beliefs. My
decision to divorce was a life-and-death struggle in which my
identity felt threatened with annihilation.
But, by acceptance of the imperative, the old identity lost the
battle and literally died. It was a psychological death and I now
know that this death was the source of the disorientation and
sensations of impending physical death that I was experiencing.
But how many years I struggled against this death! And, of course,
it is the best thing that could possibly have happened.
Because, in that same struggle, a new me was born; and, like a baby,
I was looking at the world around me without lenses or distortions.
I was free to open my perception within a world now extending far
beyond physical reality.
"The King is Dead, Long live the King." It was as though I finally
understood what this means. To die to self - the old, limiting self
- and to be reborn a new self, which implies also, to be in a new
I realized later that, since our internal belief systems are what
determines how and how much of the reality around us we can truly
perceive, if we could only get to some point where we could throw
off all "programs" - all beliefs - we could live in a state of
But then, I guess that would mean we don't need to be here on the
big blue marble anymore and we would disappear in a flash of light!
But, to live life with as few beliefs as possible, to be able to
look at everything in a fresh way moment by moment.
"All knowledge is knowledge of God.
The objects of God's knowledge are infinite, though only a
finite number exist at any given time and only a finite number
can be known by a finite being.
"For man, the seeker of knowledge, the acquisition of knowledge
is endless, since the objects of knowledge are endless. This is
the secret of man's felicity. Knowledge, the greatest good, is
also the greatest joy and the greatest pleasure.
"The never- ending trajectory of man's life in all the worlds
has to be explained in terms of his constant growth in
"For the felicitous, this knowledge is totally congruent and
harmonious with their own souls, which have been shaped in this
world through faith and practice, and hence every increase in
knowledge is an increase in felicity.
"But, for the wretched, knowledge of things as they actually are
is a searing torture, since it contradicts their beliefs and
practices in this world. Every new knowledge - every new
self-disclosure of God - is a new misery."
Well, there I was: fat, forty and with
five kids and crippled to boot!
And what did the Cassiopaeans have to say about all this?
Q: (L) This recent 'awakening' or
period of seeing things with such clarity, as they really were,
and the whole picture of the interactions between people and how
truly ugly it can be, especially those things programmed into us
by our culture and our religions; as a result of this I plunged
into a terrible depression. I needed to get my balance from
seeing so much all at once. Can you explain to me what was going
Q: (L) I tried to share this perception with other people, and
almost without exception, when I said to people that I was
finally seeing things in their true state and it was NOT a
pretty picture, that the level of hypnosis we live under is
almost unbelievable, they all said "well, you are obviously
seeing this through the eyes of some major spirit possession!"
This hurt me very much. Why would they say this?
A: First of all, it is not correct to perceive "everything in
such darkness and gloom, etc." That is merely the result of a
cocoon of falsehood being removed. Celebrate the balance. Don't
mourn the death of an illusion of an imbalance.
Q: (L) Where do I go from here? Where do we all go?
So, there was hope, and in spite of my
dreadful situation, I realized that there are two kinds of people in
the world: those who curse the darkness and those who light candles.
Well, I couldn't find any candles to believe in, so I decided to BE
my own candle.
So, after a hiatus while I struggled out of the darkness, we resumed
the sessions. I was very concerned about my finances because I was
not able to work full time, my lawyer was dragging his feet with my
insurance settlement, and I really needed some advice on this
matter. So, one night I asked what to do if and when I received this
Cassiopaeans: "Laura! Turn over
stones, sell apples, do whatever you have to do to get your
computer refitted to accommodate the internet, including the
online market system, as soon as absolutely possible!!!!!!
Q: (L) Well, I am not really in a position to spend that money
right now! And what do you mean to 'turn over stones and sell
A: Figures of speech! Do what you have to do... take care of the
mechanics, my Dear, the rest will fall into place...
Well, this was an odd thing to say. I
was on the internet, but so far it had amounted to very little in
the way of positive interaction of any kind. I was even beginning to
think it was a waste of money.
Now the C's were telling me that I needed to expand my system and
maybe "dabble" in the stock market? Was that it? It was hard to
tell. The clues were becoming rather frequent that "something" was
supposed to happen, but they would only allude to it in strange
I had begun to suffer from what I thought were "hot flashes" and it
was very disturbing. It became even more so when other members of
the group also began to experience the same, always when we were
There had also been dreams and difficulty sleeping and
other anomalies, so we felt justified in asking for answers about
such a "personal" issue.
Q: (V) A few weeks ago several of us
began to suffer from internal heat, insomnia, and other things.
What was this?
A: Image. Deep conjunction of fibrous linkage in DNA structure.
Q: (V) Well, I want to know if it is in my mind that I get so
hot, or does my body temperature actually elevate?
A: Only on 4th. Bleed-through, get used to those!
Q: (L) Does this mean we are actually experiencing a
bleed-through of 4th density?
A: Image. Try to concentrate on the ethereal significance,
rather than the physical.
Q: (L) When you say "deep conjunction of fibrous linkage," does
this mean that we are growing or developing a 4th density body?
A: Slowly, but surely. Now, we have told you before that the
upcoming "changes" relate to the spiritual and awareness factors
rather than the much publicized physical. Symbolism is always a
necessary tool in teaching. But, the trick is to read the hidden
lessons represented by the symbology, not to get hung up on the
literal meanings of the symbols!
Q: (L) You say that the symbology has to do with hidden
meanings. The symbology that you used was "image" and "deep
fibrous linkage" of DNA. Now, is that a physical, symbolic
Q: (L) What is your definition of "image?" We have many.
A: Learning is fun, Laura, as you have repeatedly found!
Q: (L) Well, I am so hot now that I really want to know! And,
how come I am always the one who gets assigned the job of
figuring everything out?
A: Because you have asked for the "power" to figure out the most
important issues in all of reality. And, we have been assisting
you in your empowerment. Leave that alone for now, you will know
Q: (V) Is this 4th density body something that already exists so
that we could communicate with it?
A: Habeas Corpus?
Q: (L) Well, what they must mean is that you ARE it - you are
transforming little by little and all of the unpleasant little
side-effects are just part of it.
Q: (V) Righteous!
(L) Now, I want to start working on accessing
this information that you have said before is "locked up inside"
me. Terry showed me a couple of acupuncture points that seem to
induce an altered state. Is this, as he says, a way to open the
door to the subconscious?
A: Stimulates endorphins.
Q: (L) Is there any point on the body that CAN be used to assist
in opening the gate to the subconscious?
A: No such assistance is needed. First, we would like to suggest
that you seek a "spin" doctor for your quest!!
Q: (L) What in the world?! Would a "spin" doctor be a Sufi
A: One example.
Then one night, I tried to pursue the "Sufi" issue and the
following was said:
Q: (L) Al-Arabi presents a very complex analysis and he probably
didn't know it all either... Nevertheless, it almost
word-for-word reflects things that have been given directly to
us through this source.
A: Now, learn, read, research all you can about unstable gravity
Q: (L) Okay. Unstable gravity waves. I'll see what I can find.
Is there something more about this?
A: Meditate too! We mean for you, Laura, to meditate about
unstable gravity waves as part of research. Unstable gravity
waves unlock as yet unknown secrets of quantum physics to make
the picture crystal clear.
Well, oddly enough, this was just what I
needed... something interesting to think about. They gave some hints
about the subject, but told me that I would have to do some work on
my own. Since they were always telling me to "network on the
computer," I decided that this would be what I would do.
I did some web searching, but couldn't find a single thing that
matched what they were telling me about gravity waves. I was
becoming pretty desperate, so I posted the information I did have on a mail list to which I was subscribed,
hoping that it would trigger some sort of domino effect and someone
would read it who might know something and would point me in the
I worked very hard to paste all the references to gravity together
from the numerous sessions where it had been discussed, and asked
Dr. Santilli's permission to post the session with his identity
unmasked. He graciously consented.
After all that work, the only response I received was a funny little
one-line note from some man named "ark" who wanted Dr. Santilli's
e-mail so he could communicate with HIM about gravity waves!
But, at the bottom of this short little e-mail was a url. I was just
learning how to navigate the web beyond e-mail and mail lists, and I
decided to see what would happen if I entered this web address in
the blank field on my web browser. I wasn't sure what would happen,
but there it went!
A webpage began to load, and I started to read:
and Quantum Future."
And, as soon as I started reading , I KNEW that it was HIM!
Well, it seems that, at the same time I was being told to "research
gravity waves," Ark was taking a walk along a street that leads to
the Piazza Michelangelo in Florence, Italy. He stopped to sit on an
ancient megalith and write in his research journal some few words
about gravity waves... "do they hold the key?"
When he got back to his office in a 400 year old monastery that is
now part of the University of Firenze, he logged onto the internet
and someone who had read the Skywatch post had forwarded it to him.
I cannot really speak for his reactions except to say that he has
said that he instantly "recognized" me. But, of course, being a
scientist and steeped in the world of logic and reason, this
"recognition" was more than a little unsettling.
He wrote his little note to me, with the ostensible reason of asking
for Dr. Santilli's e-mail address, as a "test" for the universe, so
On his website was a small photo of him. The instant I saw this
picture, I KNEW what I had been looking for in those holocaust
photos years before. A certain pair of eyes. And I began to weep
uncontrollably. I could not stop. And as I cried, images would flow
through my mind of other lives, other places... it was like all my
memories of bygone centuries were being awakened.
Sometimes I would be so overwhelmed with the volume and content of
this "past life remembering" process, that I would literally have to
shut myself up in my room and curl up in a fetal position and shake
and cry. My body temperature would fluctuate wildly and I would
alternate between freezing cold and burning heat. It was as if I was
experiencing the emotions of all the images of different lifetimes
that would pass through my mind like a continuous montage of
vignettes and short movie clips. It felt like my solar plexus had
been blown wide open and the entire universe was pouring through me.
I was afraid to reveal to anyone what was happening to me for fear
they would think I was a complete lunatic! And, I certainly could
not tell HIM!
It is kind of funny in retrospect: there we were, trying to carry on
a normal and "ordinary" correspondence, while he trekked all over
Europe from conference to conference and back to his own University
and office from time to time; but these e-mails were becoming rather
extensive and lengthy -. 20 to 25 per day!
Neither of us was admitting what we were going through in terms of
our reactions;. until one day, by some strange accident, an e-mail
he sent to me was returned "User Unknown" and he was overwhelmed by
the thought that he had lost contact! He knew, at that point, that
he had to step over the line of "cordial correspondence" and declare
It was obviously just a glitch in the system... but the barrier came
down even more and we decided that we MUST meet.
Ark had to travel for the next few months, and one of the
conferences was to be in Berlin where he was scheduled to speak
about "Time." He had asked for a photo of me, but I did not have a
scanner or a "real" website. Another fellow had posted some of the
C's material on his website, and I asked him if he could also scan
and post a photo. This took a couple of weeks to arrange; and the
photo was nearly ruined when his little son put a piece of buttered
toast on it. But, finally the photo was loaded and I wrote to Ark in
Berlin and he went to download it. But, at that moment all the
computers in the Technical University where the conference was being
held CRASHED! He became rather desperate and found a server on one
of the upper floors that was reserved for special use, that was NOT
connected to the mainframe system... and there he downloaded the
As it was with me, the seeing of the eyes DID something internally.
There was this HUGE conflict between his rational "scientific" self,
and an OVERWHELMING flood of memory, emotion and actual physical
sensations that are impossible to describe. He spent the whole night
walking the streets of Berlin "remembering."
Now, I want to repeat that I NEVER told him that I remembered
ANYTHING! I just COULDN'T. It was bad enough that I was going
through this HORRIBLE torment of memories, I certainly did not want
this man who was, in certain terms, a complete stranger; who was a
scientist interested in our "channeling," to think I was stark,
raving mad! But I was thinking that it was entirely fitting that HIS
awakening took place in Berlin, where we had last been together.
Before I begin to tell the story of all the obstacles and barriers
we had to overcome to be together, which clearly emphasized that
someone or something was opposed to our union, I want to digress and
tell something of Ark's personal story, as well as the background of
the world as it was the last time we were together.
I will say that, when we were finally able to be together, we
discovered that our reactions, sensations, visions and emotions were
not the illusions of neurotic minds. We are like one soul in two
bodies; and being together is Amazing Grace.
Suffice it to say, the Cassiopaeans obviously were a result of my
desperate seeking; driven by who and what I was as a result of many
lifetimes of experience.
The fact that Ark is a scientist is also a result of his desperate
seeking for the same reasons.
For me, this seeking resulted in the Coming of the Cassiopaeans, who
hinted, nudged, and educated me to the point where a certain
possible future became probable, and then a reality; and this future
which is now the present, is one of joy unspeakable.
The effect of the Cassiopaeans, at least in part, has been a
demonstration of a Universal Plan of Love and Redemption of such a
scope and magnitude that I am staggered by the implications.
I no longer doubt that Love is Eternal - I KNOW IT!